Wake Up Call: Showing Up & Shifting Through Messiness
- Lay Jordan
- Jul 29
- 12 min read
This month, I want to do something a bit different from what I have done in the past. Every year, I choose a word to guide me, and for 2025, that word is "Shift." For July specifically, the theme became "Question" - and reflecting now at the month's end, this couldn't have been more fitting.
I've noticed something important about personal growth: it's one thing to track habits, gather data, and build new routines when life is calm. But the real test comes when we have to put these changes into practice during challenging moments:
A person thinks they're over a heartbreak until they stand in a place that holds deep meaning from that relationship.
A person feels committed to new habits until something disrupts their carefully constructed routine.
A person believes they've mastered their emotional responses until faced with their core triggers.
This has been a wake-up call for me. Like many, I can see my growth when I'm actively doing things differently, but July tested how I navigate forward when things get difficult. There's something particularly challenging about this month that made everything feel heavier.
My regular routines were disrupted by the natural rhythm of summer - that unspoken pressure to connect with friends and family you don't see regularly. While these gatherings brought joy, they also threw me off balance.
As an introvert, summer (along with winter) tends to leave me especially fatigued. I considered not even writing this reflection because my mind feels scattered, my energy depleted, and my to-do list overwhelming. Yet there's a beautiful paradox here - despite the exhaustion, I also feel more alive because I'm not solely focused on personal goals.
Spring and Fall have their own structured rhythms - Spring for personal development and Fall for career growth in my industry. During those seasons, I rarely have space for a social life between professional networking, events, health routines, certification courses, and creative projects like this blog and podcast. Perhaps this summer tiredness is actually a sign that I'm not completely in solo mode - and that's something worth embracing.
Finding Joy in the Midst of Summer Burnout
In this section, I want to share my journey through various elements that brought me joy and growth this month: reconnecting with books after a reading hiatus, finding closure with my ex during the Cancer new moon beach visit, spending quality time with friends , and enjoying "The Summer I Turned Pretty" series which explores complex family dynamics beyond just the romance storyline.
A perspective shift from the breakup
So, I was honestly kinda worried about this summer. You know how breakups can mess with your head, right? I'm such a lover girl at heart and tend to overthink relationships, whether they're friendships or something deeper.
Even though we officially ended things back in September 2023, there was this lingering "what if" feeling until June 2024, which for me became this definite point of no return. I shared the whole journey in my "24 lessons I learned in 2024" episode [check it out here] after I'd processed everything that happened. October was especially rough with so much pain wrapped up in that situation, and honestly, there were moments throughout 2025 when I'd still feel waves of sadness and anger about how everything went down.
Then came the Cancer new moon on June 25th at 6:31 AM ET, and something shifted. Here's what happened:
I'd been thinking a lot about my last relationship and just where I'm at in life generally when I had this epiphany. In a weird cosmic timing moment, my ex looked at my accounts that day. He checked the one he follows around 2-something and, surprisingly, the one he doesn't follow at 8:57 pm. I was listening to Ariana's "Eternal Sunshine" album, trying to find a song that captured our situation. The first track that played was "Eternal Sunshine," and when I played the album again during my morning walk, "Past Life" came on first. I chose that album specifically because it had been my emotional lifeline.
Later that morning, when the new moon energy was strongest, something pulled me to the beach. I originally thought I'd just hit the boardwalk to journal since the park by my house was closed, but once I got there, it felt like the ocean was literally calling me forward. As I walked, I found myself collecting seashells and stones along the way.
And here's the weird part: I knew I wanted to wear a dress that day, but didn't want to put on my new white one, so I grabbed a darker dress instead. It turned out to be the exact dress I wore the last time I saw my ex. Without overthinking it, I also put on the pearl bracelets his mom gave me and half of the couple's ring I'd bought us. It felt right for the energy of the day.
The beach itself held so much significance for us. It's where he first told me he had feelings for me, where we went before he dropped me home the night of our first kiss, and became our go-to spot whenever we needed to work through relationship issues. It was our place. I even went there when I was mad at him. But that day, walking along the shore felt like I was finally releasing him from my identity. My Co-Star app that morning had said, "You can decide not to engage with what is clearly bullshit," and somehow that hit different.
Between the Cancer new moon and the Capricorn full moon on July 10th, I gained deeper insights about our connection:
"This connection may have felt familiar and intense, but: It activated deep emotional wounds (4th house) without offering the safety to heal them. It was unbalanced emotionally. Your Moon in his 3rd and his Moon in your 10th created disconnects in how you expressed and received emotional support.Your Sun in his 12th house likely made the relationship feel foggy, one-sided, or fated but frustrating. The chemistry (5th house rising) was there, but without deeper reciprocity." Yes. The bond was real, and it shaped us both. But any friendship moving forward would require emotional maturity, clarity, and closure on both sides. It is possible to be friends again, but only if the foundation becomes realigned and both of us are willing to do the emotional work to shift the connection into something mutual, respectful, and platonic.
This led me to some serious reflection questions:
Have we both truly accepted that we are not going back to romance?
Can we communicate clearly without old dynamics reappearing?
Can we support each other in our new lives without lingering hopes or wounds?
Have we both taken accountability for how we contributed to the relationship not working?
For the July 10th full moon, I focused on this question: "What core emotional pattern must I actively release that has silently shaped my identity and daily habits so I can finally honor my deeper truth, restructure my life in alignment with who I'm becoming, take intentional steps toward healing, and unlock the empowered version of me that's ready to emerge?"
Through all of this, I've been really tuning into my subconscious thought patterns. How they've shaped my identity, how my relationship became part of who I am, and what emotional baggage I need to release to create a new identity. One where I'm not centering external relationships, especially romantic ones, but making space for how I truly want to identify.
During this lunar cycle, these affirmations really helped me:
Cancer New Moon:
I FEEL safe to release what no longer serves me to bring a New beginning in for my dream life
I FEEL at peace knowing everything that I want is already confirmed in the story of my life
I FEEL safe to receive all the blessings and live in the vision I know I am meant for
Capricorn Full Moon:
I USE alignment, not urgency, to guide my next step.
I USE clarity to release what no longer aligns with my highest vision.
I USE endings as entry points for evolution.
Finding my balance with food
Note: I love to experiment with food, so while some may not look appetizing,
I still enjoyed just trying things
Since I didn't get to add my food pictures in my June review, I wanted to share what I’ve been having in the summer so far. I've been questioning if this area of my life is where I'm falling into perfectionist tendencies. The truth is, I'm not able to eat intuitively yet because I'm still working on not going to extremes.
When I'm under-eating, it's because I'm using food restriction to cope with my life feeling out of control. And when I over-consume food beyond my actual needs, it's because I'm seeking comfort that I just wasn't finding elsewhere in my life. I realized that before I can truly eat intuitively, mindful eating is the best approach to heal in this area, along with applying the 80/20 rule.
Some questions I've been asking myself to check in with this area (because when it comes to food, it's easily a slippery slope):
Am I eating because I'm physically hungry or emotionally hungry?
What am I actually feeling right now that's driving me toward/away from food?
How can I address the root emotional need without using food?
What would a balanced approach look like in this situation?
How can I enjoy this meal mindfully without judgment?
As much as people try to say someone's actions are what make them overweight or underweight (which does hold some truth, but it isn't the full picture), what I rarely see discussed is how a person can discover the root cause of those actions. And once you understand the root cause, it's important not to use it as an excuse to avoid change.
Recognizing that I use food to respond to how I view my life was difficult to confront. People use all sorts of things to cope with their lives; either when they need to feel in control out of a desire for security, or comfort because of the lack of support they're facing. But at the end of the day, food is a necessity for us, and when something is a necessity, it makes having a healthy relationship with it even more important.
Quality time with friends
I recently had a sleepover with my friend from high school, someone I still share a strong bond with despite the years that have passed. The next day, we had dinner with another friend who's moving away soon. While these moments brought me joy, they also made me contemplate the nature of adult friendships and what it takes to maintain strong bonds when everyone is experiencing significant life changes.
The post-high school and post-college years reveal a sobering truth: many friendships were sustained primarily by proximity. The real compatibility test happens when you're separated from the physical places where you initially connected. It's during these transitions that you discover which relationships have the substance to endure distance and life changes.
What I've noticed is that maintaining meaningful adult friendships requires intentionality that wasn't necessary when we saw each other daily in school hallways or dorm rooms. Now it involves deliberate planning, consistent communication, and mutual effort to stay present in each other's lives despite busy schedules and geographic separation.
The sleepover reminded me of simpler times, but our conversations had evolved to reflect our adult realities: career aspirations, relationship challenges, and personal growth. There's something beautiful about friends who have witnessed your journey from teenager to adult, who understand both who you were and who you're becoming.
As my friend prepares to move away, I'm reminded that the strongest friendships aren't necessarily the ones with the most face-to-face time, but those with the deepest understanding and acceptance. The challenge now is figuring out how to nurture these connections when life keeps pulling us in different directions.
Book: Can’t get enough by Kennedy Ryan
I finally picked up "Can't Get Enough" by Kennedy Ryan this month, and it was exactly what I needed. The book had been sitting on my TBR pile since its release, but I kept hesitating to dive in. The story centers around Hendrix watching her mom battle Alzheimer's, and honestly, that hits close to home. The fear of watching parents change as they age is something that's always lingered in the back of my mind, making me hesitate to start the book despite knowing Kennedy Ryan's writing is worth it.
What I love about the Skyland series is how Kennedy has this incredible talent for balancing real-life hardships with beautiful romance. Her stories aren't filled with over-the-top drama like some of my other favorite authors, but that grounded-ness is precisely what makes her work so powerful. She tackles genuine emotional struggles while still giving you that warm, hopeful feeling that love is possible even in life's messiest moments.
As a 23-year-old, there's something deeply comforting about reading stories centered on Black women in their late 30s/early 40s. It's like getting a glimpse of potential futures that aren't scary but full and rich. It makes aging feel less intimidating and more like something to look forward to. And the reminder that love, romantic and otherwise, can find us during imperfect seasons of life feels especially important right now.
I've been noticing a pattern of social withdrawal lately. I find myself not putting myself out there to make more friends, steering clear of dating apps, and feeling anxious about family gatherings. In terms of relatives, it's difficult when they focus on surface-level changes like my appearance or achievements rather than asking meaningful questions about my well-being. This is especially difficult when family members fixate on comparing my current appearance to my teenage self, making me feel like they're more interested in how I look and what I'm accomplishing than who I am as a person. They seem to only value achievements that come with a paycheck, and always find something to criticize about my appearance, which triggers my desire to withdraw.
I've caught myself in this cycle of thinking I need to "fix my life" before I deserve connection. I feel I'm only worthy of being around people once I've sorted everything out, because only then can I "be happy," "be present," or not "kill the vibe" by having emotions beyond happiness. These are limiting beliefs I'm actively working to dismantle, and books like this one remind me that none of us have it all figured out. Not at 23, not at 40, and that's completely okay.
TV Show: The Summer I Turned Pretty
I've been completely captivated by "The Summer I Turned Pretty" this month. This show has become a bright spot in my summer viewing, bringing me genuine joy during these hot July days. While I'm saving my deeper analysis for my August podcast episode (so make sure to tune in!), I wanted to touch on why this series has resonated with me.
There's something refreshing about watching the show without having read the books first. I often find that when I read source material beforehand, I spend too much time mentally comparing the adaptation rather than simply enjoying the story unfolding on screen. With this series, I've been able to experience the narrative purely through its visual storytelling.
I completely understand why the love triangle between Belly and the two brothers captivates many viewers ( it's compelling!) But what truly makes this show special is how it explores numerous themes beyond just the romance. It explores complex family dynamics in non-traditional households, the lasting impact of parental relationships on children, and how familial environments shape our understanding of love and connection. The show delicately portrays how divorce, separation, and loss influence characters' perspectives on relationships, the way insecurities manifest in both romantic and family bonds, and the complicated navigation of developing feelings for someone who's been part of your extended family circle for years. The series tackles themes of identity, belonging, and growth in ways that feel authentic rather than forced.
I appreciate how the show portrays the messiness of human connections: the misunderstandings, the insecurities, and the beautiful moments of clarity that come with growing up. It's these layered elements that elevate it beyond typical summer romance fare.
Tips and reminders for the Summer fatigue
Set boundaries with social commitments - it's okay to say no to preserve your energy
Create a morning routine that energizes you before the heat of the day
Stay hydrated and maintain regular meal times despite irregular schedules
Schedule regular downtime between social events for recharging
Keep your living space cool and comfortable as a retreat
Practice gentle movement like morning stretches or evening walks
Maintain a consistent sleep schedule despite longer daylight hours
Use calendar blocking to balance social activities with alone time
Listen to your body's signals when you need rest
Create a summer self-care kit with cooling items and comfort essentials
Set realistic expectations for summer activities and productivity
Find indoor alternatives for extremely hot days
Practice mindfulness to stay present rather than getting overwhelmed
Content created this month
Podcast
Blogs
Conclusion: Finding Strength in Vulnerability
I'll be honest: I was worried about writing this summer reflection. Lately, I've been feeling extremely discouraged. I'm not sure if it's the fatigue of summer heat dragging on, or something deeper stirring within me, but putting these thoughts into words felt particularly challenging this month.
There's something vulnerable about documenting our lives during periods when we don't feel our best. It's easier to share when everything feels figured out, when we have neat lessons packaged with perfect bows. But I'm learning that showing up imperfectly is still showing up, and sometimes the most authentic connections happen when we allow ourselves to be seen in these in-between spaces.
I want to keep trying my best to show up authentically for myself first, and then for anyone who might find resonance in these words. My hope is that no matter who you are or when you're reading this, you can find something in this post that connects with your own experience. Maybe it's the struggle with food relationships, the evolution of friendships, or simply the permission to acknowledge that some months are harder than others.
As August approaches, I'm carrying forward the reminder that progress isn't linear, and that documenting our journey, especially the challenging parts, is valuable. Thank you for witnessing this small piece of my story.
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