The Highs and Lows of “Becoming Her"

Reminder: In the journey of becoming 'her,' there are no shortcuts; just honest moments of growth, setbacks, and self-discovery. #BecomingHerJourney #AuthenticGrowth #EmbraceTheProcess

What does it really mean to be working on becoming a better version of yourself? This question constantly pops up on the internet. Growing as a person is a messy mix of experiences, challenges, and opportunities to learn. The reality is that becoming your best self is both the journey and the destination, and it's always changing. Sometimes everything clicks and makes perfect sense, and other times you feel lost about what to do next.

Given this reality, I wanted to take the time to give a full picture of the journey. It's more common to discuss only the highlights and results, but I believe this actually does a disservice to people. When we only speak about successes, people often give up because others make growth look so easy. When someone struggles against these false images and expectations, they resent doing the work, become impatient, and fall into an all-or-nothing mindset.

I especially don't want younger people who might come across my content someday to develop insecurities. While it's not personally our responsibility to prevent others from feeling insecure about what we share, I think it's important to question our purpose for putting things out there.

Are we truly proud of something, or are we just seeking validation for our ego? Are we putting others down to lift ourselves up?

We should share our highlights, but downplaying the work it took to get there is a disservice to both ourselves and the audience that encounters our content. So that is why I want to share the reality of becoming from my perspective (so far).

The Highlights

Learning Transformative Lessons

The first thing I wanted to mention is that one of the best things about the process of becoming is the learning process. When you truly are in tune and paying attention, you discover things that give you those "aha" moments. There's a genuine sense of enjoyment in these discoveries. A strong thrill comes from suddenly understanding something that was previously unclear. This learning process brings a unique satisfaction that makes the entire journey worthwhile.

For me personally, this love of learning has become a driving force in my life. I find myself constantly curious, always seeking out new information and perspectives that can reshape my understanding of the world. While I enjoy learning about many different subjects, I've developed a special interest in one particular question: what truly creates a quality life?

This question has led me deep into the realm of lifestyle design. I examine elements like how our daily choices, environments, and habits contribute to our overall well-being and fulfillment. I'm passionate about understanding the aspects that make life meaningful and how we can intentionally structure our existence to maximize joy, purpose, and personal growth.

Whether it's through reading philosophy, studying psychology, or simply observing patterns in my own life, this exploration fuels me and gives direction to my personal development journey.

The lessons I'm sharing here represent the overflow of wisdom that couldn't be contained in my June reflection, but still deserve to be documented and shared. You can find the first set in the link provided HERE.

Mindset Shift: Grief isn’t reserved for physical death (Grieving the “smaller” things will help you learn how to go through the larger, irreversible things)

I used to believe that grief was reserved exclusively for non-reversible events like death. This belief stemmed from my family environment, where expressing emotions often resulted in guilt and dismissal. I was frequently told that what upset me was insignificant compared to "real problems."

This conditioning led me to suppress my feelings about experiences that didn't seem "important enough" to warrant grief: friendship breakups, rejections, disappointments, or other unexpected negative experiences. I'd minimize these feelings, thinking I shouldn't be affected by them.

Since 2024, I've learned that practicing grief for these "smaller" losses is actually crucial. By allowing ourselves to properly process emotions around more manageable setbacks, we develop the emotional muscles needed to handle larger, irreversible losses when they occur. Denying ourselves the right to grieve smaller losses doesn't make us stronger. It leaves us unprepared for processing deeper grief.

Habit: Learning more about nutrients and keeping a food log to track how I feel after I eat

After my initial health journey, I started paying special attention to my energy levels because I'm prone to energy crashes, migraines, and general discomfort depending on my food choices.

Keeping a detailed food log has been eye-opening. I track not just what I eat, but how I feel afterward. This includes noting changes in energy levels, mood, and any physical symptoms. This practice has helped me identify specific foods and eating patterns that either support or deplete my energy.

This approach has been more holistic than just following generic nutrition advice. It's personalized to my body's unique responses, allowing me to function better throughout the day and minimize those frustrating symptoms that used to be a regular part of my life.

Mindset Shift: The fine line between self-care and self-destruction is honesty

I've noticed how easily "self-care" can become a disguise for avoidance or unhealthy coping mechanisms. For instance, I used to fill all my time with self-soothing activities instead of facing real problems and insecurities.

When we're honest with ourselves, we can distinguish between practices that truly restore us and those that enable destructive patterns. Genuine self-care builds us up and helps us face challenges with renewed strength. But without honesty, we risk using "self-care" as justification for behaviors that ultimately undermine our well-being.

What makes this especially challenging is that we often avoid being honest with ourselves because we view our struggles as moral failings. If I procrastinate on an important task, I might think "I'm lazy" (a character judgment) rather than acknowledging that I'm feeling overwhelmed or uncertain about where to start (the honest assessment). This false equivalence between our actions and our worth leads us to lie to ourselves as a form of self-protection.

Learning to approach myself with compassionate honesty has been transformative. In the fall of 2024, I finally started working on real solutions for my life, though part of me wishes I had begun sooner. Now I can recognize when I'm using "self-care" as an excuse and redirect myself toward actions that truly support my growth, even when they're uncomfortable. True self-care sometimes means facing difficult emotions or situations head-on, with the knowledge that doing so is an act of love toward my future self.

Habit: Turning content creation into a routine

By establishing a consistent routine around creating and sharing content, I've found a structured way to challenge myself to "show up" regularly. This practice has been instrumental in helping me overcome my tendency to hide and isolate.

What started as an intimidating process has gradually evolved into something I look forward to. The routine aspect has been beneficial because it shifts content creation from something I do when inspiration strikes to something I commit to regardless of how I feel on a given day. Some of my most meaningful work has emerged on days when I initially felt uninspired but showed up anyway.

Additionally, this practice has been teaching me to separate my worth from external validation. While feedback and engagement metrics provide useful information, I'm learning that the true value lies in the consistency of showing up, sharing my authentic perspective, and gradually building a body of work that represents my journey.

This habit has become a miniature model for how I approach growth in other areas of my life: showing up consistently, being willing to be seen (flaws and all), and trusting that progress comes through practice rather than perfection.

Mindset Shift: Don’t let your need to be right keep you in practices and situations for longer than you should be

This mindset shift emerged from a pattern I noticed in myself. I tend to cling to situations, relationships, and practices long after they stopped serving me. I realized I often remained in these situations not because they were beneficial, but because leaving would mean admitting I was wrong initially or that I had changed.

My emotional attachment to being "right" or consistent with my past decisions created unnecessary suffering. I'd continue habits that weren't working, or persist with approaches that clearly weren't yielding results. All because changing course felt like admitting failure.

What finally shifted for me was recognizing that being adaptable is more valuable than being "right." Growth inherently involves change, which means what served me at one point might not serve me forever. Leaving a situation doesn't invalidate the reasons I entered it. It simply honors that either I or the circumstances have evolved.

This has been especially challenging with relationships, where my emotional attachment made it difficult to acknowledge when dynamics had changed. I've learned that having the courage to walk away from what no longer fits isn't a failure. It's an act of self-respect and a recognition that both people and situations change over time.

The Growth in Trust and Faith

Working on becoming “her” allowed for a complete revision of my understanding of trust and faith. I discovered that my foundation needed to start with self-trust (aka learning to follow through on the promises I made to myself). By consistently doing what I said I would do, I gradually rebuilt my relationship with myself.

This internal shift completely changed my understanding of trust in general. Before embarking on this path of personal growth, I struggled with trust issues with both myself and others, which created significant fear in my life. This fear prevented me from fully embracing faith, as true faith requires trust as its foundation.

Through continuous self-reflection and countless experiences of both disappointment and pleasant surprises, I've developed a more nuanced perspective. I've learned that authentic trust isn't about eliminating all doubt, but about making peace with uncertainty while still moving forward. Faith never fully clicked for me until I addressed these fundamental trust issues.

Building Emotional Resilience

The final highlight I wanted to mention is developing a healthier relationship with my emotions. As someone naturally sensitive, I used to see my emotional depth as a weakness to overcome rather than a strength to embrace. (This was touched on a bit earlier.)

Back then, I had two main patterns: either completely avoiding my feelings until they disappeared (or so I thought), or suppressing them until they eventually erupted in overwhelming outbursts. I viewed my sensitivity as a liability and tried to distance myself from what I was feeling. Now I've learned to create space between experiencing an emotion and responding to it. This doesn't mean becoming less sensitive; it means honoring my sensitivity while developing the skills to process emotions constructively.

When faced with situations that would have previously sent me into avoidance mode, I can now stay present with what I'm feeling instead of running away. I've discovered that sitting with uncomfortable emotions, rather than fearing them, actually diminishes their power over me. This isn't about becoming detached; it's about developing flexibility and self-compassion around my emotional experiences.

By acknowledging rather than fearing my sensitivity, I can engage more deeply with both joyful and difficult experiences. I can take risks knowing that even if things don't work out, I have the capacity to process whatever emotions arise. I'm still a work in progress; my sensitivity remains a core part of who I am, but now I view it as a gift rather than a burden.

The Challenges

The path of personal growth, as rewarding as it can be, comes with its own set of challenges. These difficulties are rarely discussed in the inspirational quotes and success stories that dominate social media, yet they're an integral part of the journey.

The Overwhelming Nature of Self-Improvement

The process of becoming a better version of yourself can feel DEVASTATINGLY overwhelming at times. There's so much to work on, so many habits to build, and so many thought patterns to reshape. Some days, the sheer magnitude of the tasks ahead can leave you frozen in place, unsure where to even begin.

The Challenge of Maintaining Trust and Faith

I mentioned trust as a highlight earlier because I've learned its importance, but the daily practice of actually putting it into action remains challenging. When you're putting in consistent effort but not seeing immediate results, doubt inevitably creeps in. Is any of this worth it? Am I doing something wrong? Should I be trying a different approach? Learning to keep going despite not having tangible evidence of progress requires a level of faith that doesn't come naturally to most of us.

The Mental Exhaustion of Constant Self-Analysis

The mental toll can be exhausting as well. The overthinking that accompanies personal growth is incredibly draining. You begin to analyze everything: your habits, your thought patterns, your relationships, your past decisions, etc. While this awareness is necessary for change, it can also consume enormous amounts of mental energy. There are days when the constant self-examination leaves little energy for anything else.

Facing External Judgment and Misunderstanding

Standing firm with your vision despite judgment and misunderstanding from others presents another significant challenge. When you start changing, it inevitably affects your relationships. Some people may not understand why you're making certain choices or setting new boundaries. Others might feel threatened by your growth. Learning to stay committed to your path while navigating these social dynamics requires tremendous courage and conviction.

Pushing Through Plateaus and Low Points

Then there are the inevitable plateaus and low points; periods where motivation wanes, progress seems to stall, or you even feel like you're moving backward. These are the moments when quitting seems most appealing. The initial excitement has worn off, the work remains challenging, and the results aren't coming as quickly as you'd hoped. Learning to push through these phases rather than abandoning ship is a crucial skill that often determines whether your growth will be sustainable in the long term.

The Humbling Process of Unlearning

Finally, there's the humbling process of unlearning. Recognizing that some of your long-held beliefs, habits, or approaches may be counterproductive requires admitting there were things you didn't know or understand, which can be uncomfortable for the ego. Embracing this state of "conscious incompetence" (being aware of what you don't know) is essential for growth but often feels vulnerable and unsettling.

Despite these challenges, what I've discovered is that acknowledging these difficulties doesn't make the journey any less worthwhile. If anything, understanding that struggles are an inherent part of the process makes it easier to persevere through them. The path isn't meant to be smooth or linear; its very purpose is to challenge you in ways that foster growth.

What’s next: Redefining Womanhood

The concept of womanhood has grown increasingly complex in the era of social media. While these platforms offer valuable resources and communities that have helped me discover important aspects of myself, like the significance of hormone health, they can also create overwhelming pressure. It's far too easy to fall into the comparison trap, feeling perpetually behind as influencers and experts showcase seemingly perfect journeys.

I'm learning that a crucial part of my growth is becoming comfortable with where I am right now, while simultaneously nurturing the seeds of who I aspire to become. This balance will be my focus, not just this year, but for years to come. I've realized that "becoming her" isn't simply about checking off achievements or reaching specific milestones. It's about the woman I'll be at the end of my life.

If I'm fortunate enough to live a long life, I want it to be one enriched by my own definition of womanhood, not one prescribed by social media trends or others' expectations. This means honoring my unique journey, embracing both the conventional and unconventional aspects, and defining success on my own terms.

“Becoming her”, I'm discovering, isn't about perfection or meeting external standards. It's about authenticity, resilience, and integrating the wisdom I gain along the way while staying true to my core self. This perspective brings both freedom and responsibility: the freedom to chart my own course and the responsibility to do so intentionally.

I hope you enjoyed this post and found it interesting. Also, if you like my content, it would mean the world to me if you would also subscribe to my YouTube channel, my Pinterest, and my TikTok account. On YouTube, I have the most inspirational content from Lifestyle Design posts to Digital "open when..." letters to boost your mood. I also keep a copy of my podcast episodes (which are also available on Spotify). I decided that I am honoring what feels right to me and continuously working on building the life of my dreams and helping others do the same. Don’t forget to share this if you feel inspired, and I will have more content for you soon.

Until next time, butterflies 🦋 Sincerely yours

Xoxo,

Lay 💋