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  • Writer's pictureLay Jordan

The Reality of Healing: A personal journey



I am having a really bad case of Deja vu. Before I wanted to make this into a wellness blog, I wrote more journalistic posts that fell more into the personal development aspect. I didn’t know what post I would do once I came back to writing again. However, when I made this plan to batch some posts in January, and now it is May 10th. I am exactly 15 days away from my graduation, and I’ve been feeling so nostalgic. While writing this, I had to pause a few times. I was trying to figure out where this is going because I haven’t done an open diary in so long, and I kept hearing “I found peace in your violence”.


I couldn't remember where that came from, and it turns out it was from “Silence by Marshmello ft Khalid”. The song was written in 2017, and I don’t remember listening to it back then or even recently so I felt like it had to be significant to this writing. I pulled out my Oracle deck just for measure and, I got the firefly oracle. The mini deck briefly spoke about waiting, creativity, and brainstorming. I had to do my own research and found, “ The firefly encourages us to look for the light within ourselves and to trust in our own inner guidance. It seems like the firefly oracle holds a positive message for you during this time of uncertainty and nostalgia. It's encouraging you to trust in yourself and your own inner guidance, as well as reminding you to look for the light within yourself even when things may seem dark.”

All I can think about is how fitting that message along with the song was. Graduating from my college is such a different feeling than graduating from high school. I hated my high school and knowing the same people for 7 years made the experience worse for me. College, on the other hand, I went to the school I was dreaming of since I was in 4th grade writing my life plan. I met so many interesting people and even though I wish I was able to be closer to more people, college changed me in the most unexpected ways.


The class of 2023 had to deal with being in college during the pandemic. I know that a lot of people are probably really sick of that word and sick of talking about that time, but it’s pretty significant to not just my personal journey, but overall shifts collectively. Our work culture views changed, our beauty trends changed, our conversations changed, etc. Of course, changes are something bound to happen, but as a young adult, this was the first time I really noticed the changes.


How has the pandemic affected your healing journey?

  • It has made it more difficult

  • It has made it easier

  • It has not affected it significantly



Being in college at that time was surreal because one minute I was a teen who recently graduated, posting on social media (Instagram) this very curated version of my life. I started college determined to make friends and be this “best version of myself”, to have a massive “glow up” and honestly with the motivation rooted in trying to prove people wrong. On the surface that seems like normal desires, but when you have nowhere to go you pause to analyze what all of that even means. When I did that, I realized what that meant was the action I was doing were not even being controlled by me. They were driven by my desire to change how people saw me.



The journey of healing and self-discovery is a deeply personal and transformative process that can be difficult and even painful at times. As a college student during the pandemic, I experienced significant changes that led me to question my identity and core values. I realized that the healing journey is not always linear and can be quite messy. It requires time, patience, understanding, and acceptance. Through my major in the beauty world and four minors, I gained a new perspective that allowed me to explore different aspects of myself and the world around me. This perspective helped me understand that healing is not just about fixing what is broken, but also discovering who you truly are and embracing yourself wholeheartedly.


One of the most significant aspects of my journey was identity. I had to question what defined me and what didn't. I had to analyze my core values and figure out if they were truly mine or something I had inherited. This process helped me to understand myself on a deeper level and embrace my true identity.


Relationships were another crucial aspect of my journey. I had to question the dynamics of all my relationships, whether they were healthy or not, and what role they played in my life. This process helped me to recognize toxic relationships and create boundaries to protect my emotional and mental well-being.


Motives and insecurities were also significant areas I had to confront. I had to question why I did things and what my true motives were. Insecurities can hold us back and keep us from discovering our true selves. I'll be sharing tips and resources on how to overcome them and embrace our authentic selves.



I want this next era of my content to be all the information I learned and something I can keep referencing back to as I figure out what is my life post-graduation going to look like. I believe that everyone can benefit from exploring their inner selves and accepting who they truly are. Join me on this journey of exploration and documentation, as I share what worked for me and what didn't, and provide insights and resources for others to find their own path towards healing and self-discovery.


It's important to understand that healing is not just about fixing what is broken. It's about discovering who you truly are and embracing yourself wholeheartedly. The firefly oracle mentioned earlier reminds us to look for the light within ourselves and to trust in our own inner guidance. Sometimes it's easy to get lost in the darkness, but by trusting ourselves and our journey, we can find the light and continue moving forward. Let's explore this process together, and discover the power of self-discovery and healing.


What resources were most helpful for you during your healing journey?

  • Therapy/counseling

  • Self-help books

  • Support groups

  • Other


Thank you for reading and if you have anything you want to see more of, be sure to comment with suggestions or email me. Remember to subscribe to my Youtube channel, and follow my Tik Tok, Instagram, and Twitter to connect and stay up to date. I am excited about my next blog post so make sure you come back. Until then, there’s a lot more content on my YouTube channel. I hope you have a good day, evening, or night.


Until next time,

xoxo Lay 💋


PSSST: Don't forget to check out my latest content


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