Beauty and Body changes
- Lay Jordan
- Oct 2
- 6 min read
Updated: Oct 7
Feeling beautiful at any age is difficult, but it’s a whole other level once there is a lack of connection and understanding to it.
I remember the first time I felt ugly. I was about 11 years old, a classmate came up to me and told me the boy I’ve been crushing on said he would never like me because “I’m black, he’s white. I’m fat, he’s skinny. I’m ugly, he’s not”.
Whether those words were actually said or just fabricated for middle school drama, it didn’t matter because that was just the beginning of feeling “othered”.
Someone said my braids looked like yarn hair, so I started getting weave.
Someone said I’m too big, so I stopped eating for a while.
I don’t know why I let any of those things influence me the way that they did, but in my developing and highly impressionable brain, I couldn’t control what race I was or if people found me attractive or not, so the thing I focused on most was weight, because in a sense, I felt like my actions could affect that.
I’m not saying it was right, but it was my train of thought, and it stayed that way until I knew someone finally liked me. Not just in the physical sense, but genuinely wanted to be my boyfriend and spend time with me. This was something I wanted at the time because of my upbringing (which is to be talked about later), but genuinely in my life, all I could’ve thought growing up for my future was:
I want to work in fashion, doing whatever could provide well for both me and my mom
I want to date 1 person in High school and marry them
I want to have 6 children
Pretty much, all of these changed, and with good reason. However, I wanted to say this because once again I’m at odds with my body.
Not because I feel ugly. Not because I need it to feel in control of something. Not because I need it a certain way to be loved.
But because I don’t understand it. My goal for the longest time was to be as balanced as possible and not go to extremes, especially with food. From ages 11-17, I was extremely restrictive, and until about 20, I wasn’t conscious of what I was eating and the poor habits that were causing worse health conditions, like my asthma becoming worse, constant back pain, not being able to keep up with my friends walking, terrible sleep, etc.
Also, I wasn’t paying attention to other signs that things weren’t right because I chalked everything up to becoming older and being stressed: from the weight gain to the missing periods for 1 - 3 months to the when it did occur it was heavy and extremely painful. Not to mention the migraines, extreme fatigue, dizzy spells and poor concentration.
After 20 was when I really started to try to make adjustments to my health, but honestly I kept failing until the end of 2023 - 2024. I have talked about my journey to health so many times so I’m not going to bore anyone with the repeat I’ve cycle of the mindset shifts, the self-education, and habit changes I had to make.
Health education is already not as substantial, but hormonal health outside of reproductive aspects was never touched on in my experience. On September 24, I was extremely grateful to have gone to the endocrinologist for the first time. My experience was that she was extremely kind and took the time to thoroughly explain my concerns to me. It was the first time I think I ever had an experience with a doctor like that.
All this to say, I feel more confident as an adult, but to truly see the beauty in myself I need to be more connected to who I am beyond others' perceptions. Changes, especially body changes, create challenges for this connection—they force us to redefine our relationship with ourselves. But these challenges aren't impossible to overcome; they're opportunities to build a deeper understanding of our worth that transcends physical appearance.
I'm learning that true beauty isn't found in meeting societal expectations, but in accepting myself through all of life's changes. My body isn't something to be fixed… It's resilient, it's carried me through difficult times, and it deserves my compassion. As I continue this journey of understanding my health, I'm working toward seeing my body as an ally rather than an obstacle.
Journal Prompts for Reflection on Body Image and Self-Acceptance
Recall a time when you felt truly at peace with your body. What circumstances or mindset contributed to that feeling? How might you recreate aspects of that experience today?
If your body could speak to you, what would it say it needs most right now? Write a compassionate dialogue between yourself and your body.
What narratives about beauty have you internalized that no longer serve you? Where did these come from, and how can you begin to rewrite them?
Describe three ways your body has been resilient or shown strength that have nothing to do with appearance. How does acknowledging these strengths shift your perspective?
What would it look like to approach your health journey from a place of curiosity rather than judgment? Write about how this shift might change your daily experience.
Identify someone in your life who embodies a healthy relationship with their body. What qualities do you admire in their approach, and how might you incorporate similar attitudes?
When you catch yourself being critical of your body, what compassionate redirections could you practice? Create three specific phrases or questions to interrupt negative self-talk.
Imagine yourself at 80 years old, looking back on your relationship with your body throughout your life. What advice would your older self give to you now?
These prompts have been so helpful in my journey toward making peace with my body as an adult. Writing through these questions helped me realize how much mental energy I was spending on appearance rather than appreciation. I've started practicing more gratitude for what my body does for me rather than how it looks, and honestly? It's been the most freeing part of adulting that nobody talks about enough. Hope these give you some clarity too! 💕
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ABCs of Adulting: 21 Days to Get My Life Together” is a framework for simplifying the often overwhelming journey of becoming a functional, self-sufficient adult. It's a concept that breaks down the complex process of "getting your life together" into a series of manageable, bite-sized lessons. Each letter of the alphabet represents a different aspect of personal growth, a practical skill, or a key mindset shift.
I created this mini-series as a way to lead up to my final days of being 23. While I typically write extensively researched content, especially as supported content for A Little Atypical, I wanted to challenge myself to write from my heart and emotions for once. I tend to approach things from a logical standpoint, but this is my opportunity to step outside that comfort zone and share more personal perspectives.
This is the series list, and with every update, each one will be hyperlinked
Day 1: A - Aging: Learning not to fear it
Day 2: B -
Day 3: C - Why people struggle with cleaning the clutter
Day 4: D - De-centering Romantic Relationships
Day 5: E - Embarrassment is no longer a factor
Day 6: F -Fate or Freewill
Day 7: G & H - Generational Trauma and Holding Space for Forgiveness
Day 8: I - Impatience has a hefty cost
Day 9: J - Justification Journey: From Excuses to Action
Day 10: K - Knowing: Who's Really Making Your Decisions?
Day 11: L - Lists That Keep Me Moving Forward
Day 12: M - Managing Emotions and Expectations about Adulthood
Day 13: N & O - Navigating Professionalism and being Open to improve
Day 14: P & Q - Prioritizing a life of Quality
Day 15: R - Ready: My word of the year for 2026
Day 16: S - Sleep is not one-size-fits-all
Day 17: T - Taking a Step Back and the Right to Disengage
Day 18: U - Uncertainty to Upgrades
Day 19: V - Visible: The Art of Imperfectly Showing Up
Day 20: W & X - What's Next? My Xtiles
Day 21: Y & Z - Saying Yes for more Zest
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