Why do people struggle with cleaning the clutter?
- Lay Jordan
- Oct 4
- 8 min read
Updated: Oct 7
When I was planning a podcast episode for the 1st Monday of the month, I had a thought about how people always promote spring cleaning, but I never see the promotion of a fall deep clean/declutter, even though it is a time of change, which essentially is a gateway to a new beginning.
One part of my adulthood journey I want to work on during the final quarter of 2025 is my cleaning. I would say my biggest problem is that things pile up until the weekend, which makes things never feel done.
I just have a lot of clothes and stuff from when I was growing up that I still haven't gotten rid of. Unfortunately, I'm very sentimental, and getting rid of things is still one of the hardest tasks I have to do.
I know it may sound silly that, as an adult, I really need to hone in on having a cleaning routine, but I don't think people consider how upbringing can deeply affect one's habits.
For instance, if a person grows up in a one-bedroom or studio apartment and constantly has to share space with their parent, chances are they never had to fulfill a lot of chores in the house.
That was my reality. I had always shared the bed with my mother because my brother was the only male in the house and hence needed his own space. My brother didn't move out until I was about 15 years old, so basically, at 16, that was the first time I occupied my own space full-time.
I'll be honest. It was a rough start between gaining that responsibility and struggling with slight depression. I struggled to adapt, but the three things that made me more consistent with not having clothes on the floor and having one day where all I did for the entire day was cleaning were:
Lifestyle YouTubers- seeing them do the mundane tasks through vlogs from grocery hauls, deep cleaning closets, makeup organizing, etc., wasn’t boring to me. I found it satisfying and kinda loved the idea of adulthood, having those moments. I have always leaned more into being a homebody, so seeing people do stuff in their house to make it a home just resonated in comparison to the glitz and glam type content
Getting a pet - I had only one pet growing up as a child, and it was a hamster. My mom, being born in Jamaica, has never seen pets as in-house animals. When we went to visit a few times, the dogs stayed out of the house. My mom liked small dogs but never wanted a dog as a pet, and she also used to be terrified of cats because of the tales they told about them. My brother’s girlfriend got a cat, so he grew to like them. They found another cat, but since his girlfriend’s cat did not get along with her, my brother brought her home. Her name was TJ, and I loved her right away. My mom… not so much because TJ was a playful cat (would hide under the bed and attack your feet like a game). I was sad because not too long after my brother and his girlfriend got engaged and took TJ with them when they moved, while his girlfriend’s parents kept Lucy. However, my brother said that if I can convince our mom, he’ll get me a cat from the shelter. In August 2019, I got my tortie cat, Callie. Having a cat (and pets like cats and dogs in general) does push you to be a lot more responsible because you are caring for a living creature. For many people, caring for something outside of themselves pushes them to be better because it is no longer just for their sake.
Going to college- The biggest reason for my depression was high school, and it reflected in my room. Once I graduated, it was so much easier to have the headspace to grow as a person.
Me saying this only explains the routine aspect of cleaning, but the reason for clutter is something entirely different. As much as I would like to say it’s only because I’m so sentimental and it’s so hard letting go of objects that remind me of people that was once important to me, that would only be a half-truth.
My hot take: Clutter is not just about physical things. When there is clutter, part of it is having a scarcity mindset, and that mindset is easily passed through generations.
I’ll have an entire post about my thoughts on generational trauma and family roots, but I want to share something specifically related to the topic.
I was talking to my mom at some point about how I regret not decluttering while we had the chance when everyone was home in 2020. I told her how odd it is that we have so many towels and sheets, but she approximately rotates between two or three.
She said she’s just waiting for them to become more worn out, and then she will use the other ones.
So I said, "What is the point of having them? Why not donate them?"
And what she said next made me think more through an empathetic lens: “I like to keep things because I will never know if I need them.”
I put myself in her shoes for a moment, and I could’ve completely understood where this survival mode was coming from. Her mom got pregnant with her when she was 15 and her 16. As a child, she lived on an Island and with her grandmother while her mom had to look for elsewhere. She moved to a whole other country to stay with a parent she didn’t know that well at 16, and since they didn’t get along at the time, she went and moved out as soon as 18. And that is just the summary of her life without even including the pressure put on her as the eldest daughter first.
Sometimes my mom says things, and instantly I feel it ties back to her experience of instability and her experience of having to grow up faster, and the pressures she faced. And maybe that it’s just me being hyper-analytical, but understanding how my mom is helps me understand myself and all the ways I want to grow as a person.
I say these things not as excuses but to effectively grow. It’s more effective to understand the root of where you are struggling. Cleaning is a topic that is often controversial to discuss because people generalize it to being clean or dirty, when I truly believe it goes deeper.
Growing up in a house is so different than growing up in apartments.
Having a family home that your parents lived in your entire lives than a person who has moved countless times.
The responsibilities you have are different depending on whether you have your own space or shared space. It is also different when you live with just your immediate family vs living with extended family in a multi-generational household.
As I embark on this decluttering journey, I'm realizing that after I slowly let go of the physical items, my next challenge will be figuring out my organizational needs. I recently discovered there are actually four types of "clutter bugs" as coined by organizational expert Cassandra Aarssen – Butterfly, Bee, Cricket, and Ladybug. Each has different organizing styles and needs. Understanding which type I am might finally help me create systems that actually stick instead of fighting against my natural tendencies.
As part of your decluttering journey, I've included some reflection prompts below. Taking time to journal about your relationship with your belongings can reveal insights that make the physical process of decluttering more meaningful and sustainable. Consider setting aside 15 minutes to explore these questions before your next organizing session.
Journal Prompts:
What's one small area in your home that causes you stress when you look at it? What emotions come up when you think about tackling it?
Think about your parents' or caregivers' relationship with possessions. What messages did you receive about keeping or discarding items?
When you feel resistance to letting go of something, what fears might be underneath that feeling?
What's one cleaning or organizing habit you'd like to develop, and how could you make it more enjoyable or sustainable?
How would you like your home to feel? List three specific words that describe your ideal environment.
I share my story not because I think it's particularly special, but because I believe many of us carry these invisible burdens around cleaning and organizing that we rarely discuss openly. Maybe you've felt the shame of a messy space, or the guilt of hanging onto things you "should" get rid of, or the overwhelm of not knowing where to start. Perhaps you, too, have family patterns around possessions that you're trying to understand or break free from. Whatever your situation, know that your cleaning habits aren't a moral failing; they're often deeply intertwined with your history, your sense of security, and patterns you learned long before you could recognize them.
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"ABCs of Adulting: 21 Days to Get My Life Together” is a framework for simplifying the often overwhelming journey of becoming a functional, self-sufficient adult. It's a concept that breaks down the complex process of "getting your life together" into a series of manageable, bite-sized lessons. Each letter of the alphabet represents a different aspect of personal growth, a practical skill, or a key mindset shift.
I created this mini-series as a way to lead up to my final days of being 23. While I typically write extensively researched content, especially as supported content for A Little Atypical, I wanted to challenge myself to write from my heart and emotions for once. I tend to approach things from a logical standpoint, but this is my opportunity to step outside that comfort zone and share more personal perspectives.
This is the series list, and with every update, each one will be hyperlinked
Day 1: A - Aging: Learning not to fear it
Day 2: B - Beauty and Body changes
Day 3: C -
Day 4: D - De-centering Romantic Relationships
Day 5: E - Embarrassment is no longer a factor
Day 6: F -Fate or Freewill
Day 7: G & H - Generational Trauma and Holding Space for Forgiveness
Day 8: I - Impatience has a hefty cost
Day 9: J - Justification Journey: From Excuses to Action
Day 10: K - Knowing: Who's Really Making Your Decisions?
Day 11: L - Lists That Keep Me Moving Forward
Day 12: M - Managing Emotions and Expectations about Adulthood
Day 13: N & O - Navigating Professionalism and being Open to improve
Day 14: P & Q - Prioritizing a life of Quality
Day 15: R - Ready: My word of the year for 2026
Day 16: S - Sleep is not one-size-fits-all
Day 17: T - Taking a Step Back and the Right to Disengage
Day 18: U - Uncertainty to Upgrades
Day 19: V - Visible: The Art of Imperfectly Showing Up
Day 20: W & X - What's Next? My Xtiles
Day 21: Y & Z - Saying Yes for more Zest
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