Thoughts on: Friendships
Updated: Jun 10, 2020
So I've been trying to come up with a blog all week. I read something yesterday on twitter that inspired me (if you want to follow me, my Twitter is the same as my Instagram, @simplylayxx). The post said something about how being personal is the best way to stand out from others. I want to use my own experiences to either inspire people or create things people can relate to.
Along with that post and seeing the media with the lost of friendships or even toxic ones, I felt like this would be a great topic. I had my own personal experiences with it many times and with each friendship, I took something different and initially it made me stronger for it. Do I regret so things, yes and no because even though I wish some things didn't happen, I can't change the past and it made me better for my future. So I want to organize this post with my thoughts on friendship-situations with people in the media, my one of own friendship-situation, signs of a toxic friend and how do I feel about friendships as a high school senior who's about to go off to college.
Friendship-situations with people in the media
The Kar-Jenners vs. Jordyn Woods
Honestly, I don't follow celebrities, so disclaimer: I do not follow or watch the Kardashian. However, they are hard to ignore because of their influence in media. Now the most I paid attention to when it came to them were their fashion sense, their children (because so cute) and Kylie's makeup line (occasionally). One of my favorite things was her collaboration with her former best friend, Jordyn Woods. I always thought Jordyn was absolutely gorgeous and I loved her friendship with Kylie because of how long it was and how she was there for her especially through her pregnancy.
Hearing about Jordyn's scandal was sad and a bit annoying because honestly these things happen every day to average people. People get cheated on, people lose their best friends and the fact this was so public really was terrible for all parties involved. They are still people with emotions and reading tweets and stuff from people who weren't even there to know all the facts is just really tragic.
The reason I included this is not to talk about the problem it's self but to acknowledge certain parts: two people who were best friends had a falling out and people who weren't involved all have opinions on it without even hearing every side of the issue.
Personally I could relate to that as to I had my own falling out and I had where everyone who I didn't know or wasn't close to know me and my group friends business. Funny enough the girl who we fought with constantly blamed us even though she was the one who talked to more people and the most we did was post general quotes but everyone seemed to know the whole story.
The Savage squad
This friendship group situation I know more about because I used to watch all of them on youtube. If you don't know who that is it is the youtubers were: Teala Dunn (TTYLTeala and Tealaxx2) , Eva Gutowski (MyLifeAsEva) , Sierra Furtado and Meredith Foster.
Meredith Foster was the first to leave the savage squad and currently I believe only Sierra and Teala are close. I clearly wasn't there so like the Kardashian part of the post I want to focus more of the general ida of their situation which is: a group of close friends had a falling out that they all seemed upset about.
In my situation, we all had a falling out with this one girl and she always said we made her the bad guy and how the problems were our fault even though we didn't tell her to walk away from us and it was her choice. She loved to play the victim in our case.
My personal experience
I don't want to go into too much detail because one day I want to use this story when I am a lot more successful so I'm just going to talk about the during and after me and this girl's falling out.
Being the type of person I am, I tend to hold on to a people even they have done a lot to hurt me. I know that is a unhealthy habit but I am trying to be stronger and trying to practice what I preach which is "self love". Lately I've writing or posting about self care because honestly I want to people to learn from the mistakes I made and maybe it will save them some heartache.
During the fight between me and 2 friends of mine, we were all hurt by how that girl just walked away from us like it was nothing, like we meant nothing which kinda held the theory that our guy friend told us at the time which was we were just her "safety net friends" . The sad part of the situation is we were even there for her after she accused us of "ruining her life". The reason we all fought with her was for our own personal reason and instead of seeing her part in situation, she played the role of the victim so well.
We all knew what were problems and I even apologized for my faults which I regret. My biggest regret is after everything is still trying for her, still caring about when all she did was blame me for things that were beyond my control or things that happened when we weren't even friends.
Signs of a toxic friend
1. If they say bad things about other people who they claimed to be their "friends"
Pay attention how they treat their other friends. If they talk bad about someone who they claim to be friends with, what is keeping them to do the same about you? That person is just clearly full of negativity and hate and you don't need that in your life.
2. They are controlling
Friendship is supposed to be a balance and if someone is there making all decision that isn't a friendship, it's like emotional slavery. If that person always has to do things on their time or their condition, get away from them as far as possible.
3. They breathe gossip
I'm not talking about the people who talk about the people who talk about the latest celebrity drama. I'm referring to people who talk about "who's hooking up with who" or someone's latest embarrassment in school or a work place. These people are untrustworthy. If they feel the need to spread someone else's business that has nothing to do with them, what is stoping them from spread your secrets just to be relevant around others? These people's lives are so boring, they consume themselves with details from another person life and spread it around so they can have something to talk about.
4. It feels like a competition
This isn't healthy at all. If you feel like a friend is always trying to one up you, feel like you have to be better than them or that your friend is a "bootleg version of you", your in the wrong friendship. Real friends support their friends and wants what's best for them. Real friends don't celebrate when others find them better than their friends.
5. They don't care about things that are important to you
Remember that scene from Mean Girls where Janis has an art show and Cady makes an excuse not to go and throws a party instead for her own selfish benefit? Stuff like that is a major sign for bad friends. Usually this person loves to be the certain of attention and they tend to belittle things that are happening in your life. It's basically like if you were going through something heartbreaking or depression, it wouldn't matter because that person who deemed themselves more significant is dealing with something "way worse" so they can't be supportive of you but you are expected to be supportive over them.
6. They are hypocritical
They say things but it only applies to them and if someone else does the same to them, that person is wrong. Once a girl told my friend to post what she wants because it's her account and she has a right to say what she feels. However that same girl got made at me for posting general quotes because "I'm making our situation public". The people have such double standards and think that they are so above other people that what they tell others only apply to situations that benefit them.
7. They don't put in any effort
If you are the one that makes the plans, that does the texting or that tries to fix what is wrong with your relationship then you are in a one sides friendship and you deserve better than that. If that person isn't matching your effort, take a step back see if that person makes effort when you stop trying. If they don't, you know where they stand.
8. They have a history of lying to you
Honesty is the foundation of any solid relationship. Without honesty, there is no trust. Without trust, there is no relationship.
9. They blame you for things, without seeing their own faults
This is the biggest one I learned. If someone can't understand or see their mistakes, they are immature and unworthy of your time. That person doesn't value your emotions and doesn't try even acknowledge their faults to learn for the future.
10. They don't learn
This connects to the last sign. Some people apologize just to stop problem which is wrong. If someone is apologizing they should be doing it because they know what they did hurt the other person and they won't let it happen again. However some people apologize and still do the same thing over and over and over. If a person keeps doing thing that hurt you, keep apologizing, that person is purely ignorant and get rid of them.
What I think about friendships
I remember growing up and seeing in media that you need big groups of friends. What they don't show you is that with big groups there are different people with different personalities . With different personalities there will be clashes which will lead to conflict.
Personally I never liked the idea of a large friend group. I always though having 1 or 2 best friends or even a best friend and like 2 or 3 close friends was healthier and I stand by it. You don't need a large group to be happy.
One thing my former friend said that bothered me is that after high school she isn't going to talk to anyone. If you don't see yourself talking to the people you claim as your "best friends" after high school you have the wrong friendships.
I don't expect myself to stay friends with many people but the 3-4 people I spent 4 + years with, that's been there through my awkward stages, that's been with me through the heart breaks, that I talked to every single day, that our relationships went above "What do we have for homework"... those are people I see in my life after high school because bonds like ours don't just break and I will make the effort for them and check on them as long as they do the same, there is no place in my heart or mind that thinks they would just let go of our bonds.
Of course, I'm ready to move on and make new friends and change but those people will forever have a special place in my heart even with us going separate ways. I believe in my chosen family and even with us miles and miles apart, without us talking every single day... we are still bonded and they will forever be my favorite part of high school.
Sorry this was so long but as some of you know I got into my dream school so the stress part of being a senior is gone and now just the emotional parts is left.
I hope you share this with your friends and family and I hope you like this blog and can relate.Don't forget to read previous blogs as well.
Until next time,
xoxo Lay 💋