How are you? I have some big news! I finally finished remodeling my blog. I'm happy I can start working on the new content. Re-modeling my blog was one of the top reasons I had been taking a long break. Last year, I didn’t get to do this post in December because I was feeling too overwhelmed with school, but this year it became slightly more manageable.
I waited until the first week of January 2020 to recap 2019 and welcome 2020. This year I am making sure to do this earlier because I already have big plans for the 2021 content. I am so excited about it. More details will be revealed, so for now: I am giving a high point and low point of 2020, how I did this semester, how I did in my resolutions for 2020, and my new resolutions for 2021.
My 2020 high point
I spoke about this a lot, but I can not consider 2020 the worst year of my life. In my own life, I was still able to find some good out of it. I described some of the good things that happened in my life-changing lessons post. I also reiterated them in my Best of 2020 gallery. While I miss going out and having adventures, being in my own space away from what society pushes on me allowed me to connect and appreciate myself a lot more. I still have off-moments in my life, but overall I formed such a strong bond and connection with myself that makes me so happy more than words can describe.
My 2020 low point
While I am appreciative of what I said in my high point, it would be unrealistic of me to not say where I think my lowest point is. I feel like this year while this year I've been stronger in terms of my sense of self, I struggled with my relationship with other people. Relationships and friendships look different this year, so it's hard to find a balance between being sympathetic to what others may be going through and wanting the same energy back as you're willing to give. It's always hard for me to be direct about my emotions because the only way I know how is through my writing. I feel like regardless of what type of friendship you have with someone whether it's purely about emotions, you share an interest or you like to just talk, the things that should always be there are trust, understanding, and support.
That was my low point for a while until speaking about it with most people I needed to. For the most part, the majority was understanding.
My Fall Semester
This fall semester was certainly interesting. I took more classes than any of my other semesters. Compared to Fall 2019, I had more energy because I did not have to commute. There were some restless nights, but less than in the past. I'm just going to list what I took and my thoughts/ experience.
Honestly, the class was a bit of a letdown. There were a few engaging topics I learned, such as sustainability and how our choices have a large impact. I also liked that we had a final project instead of the final exam. We had to choose a life cycle of a product or green technology. I chose the life cycle of candles, which was interesting to learn about the process and ingredients. My professor is a kind person but was terrible at grading. Often the class had distracting background noises, and the professor was a bit disorganized. I like to see the best in people, so I assume the professor wasn't used to being online and was still having trouble remaking the course to fit the criteria for 2020 schooling. One thing I will say is the professor was sometimes flexible with grading and asked people what their preferred pronouns are.
Art history was one of my least favorite classes. The course work was easy because it was just answering stuff on the discussion board and the professor never said we had to reply to other people besides one time. The grading for the class is incredibly slow, and you only have three things making up your grade: the midterm, the discussion board, and the final. For my midterm, I got an 83 (about a “B”), which irritates me. I like when I get updates on how I’m doing in the class because it makes me less anxious. Other than that, the discussion boards were interesting and I enjoyed doing them, but not the essays I had as a midterm and final.
History was an OL class, so I didn’t need to sit for a lecture. The assignments were a little unclear, the majority of the class was writing essays but that was easy for me. I also liked that the textbook was provided. I only did not like that the professor also grades slow, only 2 out of 6 assignments are graded and the semester is ending.
The assignments in this class were very straightforward, so for the most part I received good grades. This was also an OL class, so it wasn’t too overwhelming with assignments. I liked the professor because the person was good at grading quickly and provided descriptive feedback. I’m taking them the next semester but the only thing I disliked is for midterm and finals, they always make it on a Monday and have it due at 10 pm. Mondays are my busiest days and OL class is supposed to have more flexibility.
It reminded me too much of my journalism class. It was tedious and very structured. The one thing I’ll say is the teacher was kind and always there for students and is more flexible when giving advice.
When I say this was one of the few classes that never stressed me out, I mean it. I loved this professor's class because the workload was manageable, it wasn’t group work, not a harsh grader and the work itself was fun, creative, and engaging. He also gave us study guides for exams that told us everything. I don’t think I have any complaints because in other research classes you had to choose a brand instead of making your own. In my opinion, creating your brand gives more of a push for future entrepreneurs.
Environment and Experiences
This was my minor class. I have mixed feelings about this because I did love it. The lectures were short, it gave me a chance to be creative, but the one thing I didn’t like is how heavily our grades rely on group work. Group work is 40% of the class grade and my group was productive except for one person. Now I’m just freaked out because I don't know how it will impact my grade. The professor made it seem like it will impact our grade which is frustrating and unfair to me since I’m trying to change majors for my bachelor's, so I’ve been trying so hard to boost my GPA. To get into that major, it requires you to have a minimum of a 3.5 GPA. Mines is currently a 3.54, but I’m trying to boost it to at least a 3.7 GPA because the program is extremely competitive and allows about 75 people in the program. I need to have A's in at least 5/7 classes for my GPA to increase. The professor didn‘t seem sympathetic to that circumstance and just had an “ if this was the real world...” type of response, which was frustrating because school is in the real world, and the circumstances between work and school are different. Getting people to do their work is hard enough in person, let alone in covid time where people are even more difficult to reach out. I am sympathetic if the kid was having issues. However, by his response, it sounded like the class was the least of his priorities. He was saying how he had a long shift that weekend, he had other final projects, etc. He even missed the actual presentation and didn’t present the one slide (he was supposed to do 2 of the easiest things for the project), that he had. At this time we have to be empathetic towards situations, but in this case, it was more of a lack of responsibility because the class is 3 hours long, the professor gave a minimum of 2 hours to work on our projects. In the times we weren‘t speaking to the professor, he could have been doing his part of the project during the class time. I just find it disrespectful to let others down, especially knowing we would be graded as a group. This class is not a mandatory class (meaning you don’t need it to graduate) so if he knew he wouldn’t have time for it, he could’ve withdrawn from the course instead of causing others to be negatively affected.
Currently, I have no idea what my grades are but I’ll eventually make a YouTube video. I’m on a YouTube break because I want a cohesive change on just all my platforms.
Enough about school. Now it‘s time to reflect on how I did this year.
Based on my revolutions for 2020, I fulfilled stepping out of my comfort zone and being more accepting of myself. I feel like the main reason I was able to accomplish those goals is that I was home. I spent more time with myself and forced to accept my good and not so good qualities. I also was put into a position to look for things that would safely put my ease during the Covid situation, so I turned more into my blog and started a youtube channel.
The top two goals I want to grow in is better health overall and becoming organized. At the start of 2020, I was motivated to work out, but then coronavirus made things shut down, and it was hard for me to adjust my plans. Additionally, changes happening rapidly caused it to be hard to keep up and stay organized. I have a hard time with changes, so it takes a while for me to wrap my head around things. Both of these goals didn't see as much progress as I originally wanted. Becoming spoken was my goal that is in a weird place. I made progress in comparison to the other goals mentioned. I do speak my mind, but I also take a while to do so. I am proud that I improved, but internally I know I want to work on it some more but not as much as the others.
My action plans won't be included because this post is already longer than intended, and I want to look at my setbacks from last year since 2 out of 5 are still the same as the previous year.
1.To have better health overall
My intention: I didn't feel fulfilled with this one because of the circumstances of 2020, so it's on my list again. I found it hard to get into the mindset of working out and living in a space where you have people below you, a person has to be respectful of what you do and when. I also found it difficult to incorporate because it seems like professors were giving more work, but I think I'm at a phase where I can adjust accordingly.
2.To be more organize
My intention: Organization has always been one of my weaker points because when I am focused on something, I'm zoned-in. I think the issue is I feel like if I take a break that thing won't be done. Learning to take breaks will make me more organized in the long run. It's important to be organized since the environment can play a major role in mental health, concentration, and energy.
3.To let go
My intention: This seems vague but there are so many things I need to let go of from the traumatic experiences that live rent-free in my mind to the people who no longer serve as beneficial to my life. I realized I allow myself to be in a position where I am not happy when I keep things around me that serves no value to me. It is that with objects, with memories, with people, etc. At the end of the day, it's only making me unhappy.
4. To get as creative as possible
My intention: Being creative is a huge part of my identity. The more time I spent trying to create for youtube and this blog, the more I realized how important it is for my lifestyle. In high school, I diluted my creativity to fit into a standard that I had no opportunity in instead of embracing my uniqueness and putting my emotions into my crafts. I want to really make up for the lost time and just go after what I know I am capable of.
5.To find something meaningful and fulfilling
My intention: This is something truly important to me because it's one of the reasons I just don't feel fulfilled as a person. I want to live a life where I do something that's not just significant for me, but others too. I just want to make an impact in some way because then it would feel like I found my purpose. My closest friends and family know that I struggle with feeling accomplished and I believe if I do something that reaches beyond me that I would feel more complete.
Word of the year for 2021: Progress
Last year it was unapologetic, and because of that, I haven't been sorry for who I am, and I've grown to be comfortable with myself. I want 2021 to be about progress over perfection. I want to take risks, fail, and recover from them. I want to prioritize people who prioritize me, and most importantly, I want to go after the life I want to live and make the best of any situation that may or may not happen. I struggled with perfectionism for so long. While it keeps me safe, it also limits my capabilities because, in my head, nothing is good enough. I want to feel proud of the little things.
Thank you all for a great year of supporting me and supporting this blog. I can't tell you how much it means to me from the little actions you do from reading the content to sharing them because those little things add up whether you think they do or not, appreciate it beyond words. I want to make big changes this year: not just for me but for everyone reading and who continues to read. Have a good day, evening, or night, and I hope you have an amazing 2021.
P.S. Be sure to come back on December 28th to see the changes made. As of right now, I am unsure if I will ever give life updates on here again because life updates are personal, and I want to move personal content to my youtube. I should decide by the time I share details about the new Simply Lay on January 2nd, 2021.
Until next time,
xoxo Lay 💋
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