“I don’t want to do this”, I think many of us had this phrase echoing our thoughts. In a world that is extremely fast-paced, when things are hard, not happening fast enough, or in the way you want it to look- it can be really tempting to look for anything else that reinforces your beliefs, especially about yourself.
Before this year, I chose the word for perseverance for February because deep down I knew it would be a test for me. For some people, the newness of their goals wears off by the 2nd week of January but for me, it is always February. Maybe it is the fact a lot of times it feels more like winter in February than it does December - January. Or maybe it’s the fact during Aquarius and Pisces season, I always feel the most emotional and my overthinking goes on overdrive. Or maybe it’s the fact by week 8 of the 12 Week-Year, I got annoyed with my goals and already wanted to start something different.
Truthfully, I was surprised I made it halfway through February without this feeling gnawing at me.
Last year, there was a lot happening and I just didn’t feel good enough most times. I also think I was posting so much and even though my channel grew - because I still wasn’t where I wanted to be, I just wasn’t happy. In my mind, I needed content to work because at that point I really didn’t feel like there was an area of my life that was truly going for me. I was at my worst health point trying to recover, I wasn’t employed because my contract role ended and I had no idea what I wanted to do next because truthfully all I like doing is creating but I only like it when I’m not being told what to write or how to write it, My boyfriend of 4 years moved away and we broke up because long distance was hard but the idea of moving states when I just graduated college and I wasn’t even sure what direction my career was heading just wasn’t an option, I was in isolation mode from my friends because I didn’t want to inconvenience them because I was unhappy and struggling, and honestly the pressure I was getting from family members who aren’t really involved in my life but has a lot of comments was just adding fuel to the fire so I crashed.
This February, I have a lot more clarity in what I want in terms of career and I am still pursuing content creation in the meanwhile as I build my skills for the career I want and is trying the whole professional networking route (as an introvert this has been my biggest struggle so this is something I’m currently doing to push myself out of my comfort zone because the whole applying to jobs aspect just wasn’t getting me anywhere beside spiking my cortisol levels). I have a much better ability to keep going forward despite things making me feel like I should just give up because there was a shift in how I began to operate in my life when these difficult times happened:
Just make adjustments as you go along.
It’s a simple thing but often I would feel guilty if I stopped doing something the way I intended to do it. I was trying to post a lot in hopes I would grow my channel last year like 3 times a week on YouTube plus my blog and truthfully it was overwhelming. This year I used January as a test month to see what I can create at my current health and energy levels as I pursue developing other aspects of my life. There is still trial and error when it comes to finding this rhythm for my life, but I am no longer tied to things having to be done a specific way for it to be right.
Life is gray and I could look at these hard times as points that confirm my negative beliefs about myself or I can look at it as a time to confirm my positive qualities will always outweigh those thoughts (and I would rather do the latter).
Affirmations
For the Lunar Cycles, I create affirmations. I am sharing the affirmations I created for the cycles before this post. The New Moon was in Aquarius on January 29 and The full moon was in Leo on February 12.
New moon affirmations
I KNOW I am meant to do big things in my lifetime
I KNOW this is the start of my life-changing
I KNOW I am ready to be different in the most positive way to get all of my heart’s desire
Full moon affirmations
I WILL succeed on my own timeline and in my own way
I WILL create meaningful content that helps others
I WILL trust in divine timing and keep moving forward
Romanticizing
Motivation Board of the month
Playlist of the month: 🧿⚡️ POV: you’re calling your power back🌹🖤
I have a playlist with all the songs I come across throughout the year, but one thing I've been loving to do is make playlists of a certain vibe to fully express my energy for the month. It is more mood-based and typically I create them at the end of the previous month. I used to shy away from sharing my music taste because I had this fear of being judged for it or getting called "mainstream". I also know people notice things about music that I don't. Typically if I like a song it's either because of the lyrics or it triggers a memory for me, not necessarily about the artist.
My Favorites on the list are:
Flip a Switch by RAYE
Hard Out Here. by RAYE
Back To Black by Amy Winehouse
I See Red (Everybody Loves an OutLaw)
Everybody Wants to Rule the World (Lorde edition)
New Recipe of the Month
My goal has been to learn to cook new things so for this month, I made cabbage soup with meatballs. I am not a huge fan of soup but I want to have at least 3-5 I make really well and I wanted something more veggie-focused so I did: Cabbage (of course), carrots, green pepper, and onions. I added crushed tomatoes (since I love tomatoes) and I used chicken broth to make it. The meatballs were a last-minute decision since it in the freezer, I just air-fried them and kept them separated from the soup and when those finished I either ate the soup plain or had mini Italian sausage and Jamaican boiled dumplings. Even as someone who dislikes soup, I would definitely make it again. maybe with celery too but it was very filling and had so much variety.
Overview
Books completed:
Sunny Disposition
Books started but not finished:
Healing is the New High
Cleopatra and Frankenstein
Unlearn
Team Player
Total books read in 2025(so far): 3 books
Shows watched:
General Hospital
Gilmore Girls (Yes I am still in the middle of my rewatch)
My Happy Marriage
Things I’ve been loving
Slowing down
Planning my Year 2 goals to avoid getting bored / burnout
Content Created this month
Blog
Podcast [On Youtube]
Theme: Digital Wellness
Youtube
Things I am stopping vs things I am continuing with
I am stopping… | I am continuing… |
- Taking judgment from a family member who I’m not even close to so personal - Rushing - Comparing my post-grad journey to other people - Feeling shame/feeling like I am falling behind | - Creating the best way I could - Having conversations with people in my desired industry while I try to build my skills - Improving my health - Using this time now for self-discovery and realigning myself to what I value - Practicing Patience - Maintaining faithful that life will get better with time |
Finding Peace in the Pause
Looking back, I would assign a score of 6.5 out of 10 to the month of February 2025. It wasn’t a bad month or an insanely good month. I felt myself faltering a bit with my goals because I was experiencing a lot of physical pain and of course, I was disappointed when I had a job rejection. However, despite all the negative things that occurred, I also felt like this month was a “ take it all in” type of month.
You know the month that makes pause and ask yourself “Is this really is most effective way to get what you want out of life?”. If I had to say the biggest lesson of this month was how I realized I was still operating out of survival mode and how even though this is supposed to be a time where I am getting healthier so I can show up for myself more in the other areas but because someone else’s pressure is getting and it’s not even someone who I want to be like.
They only know I am unemployed. They don’t know I wake up at 4:30 am every weekday to have a balanced breakfast before I exercise. They don’t know how much time I spend researching people I want to connect with because I have no connections in the industry I want to get into and how much unlearning I have to do because my upbringing reinforced the idea of asking for help or needing things is wrong and if you ask people, you’ll owe them. They don’t know how much time, money, and energy I invest into things like Coursea, getting help with my resume, attending networking events and webinars (and on top of that therapy because this whole job search isn’t doing any favors while I am trying to reset my cortisol levels and nervous system because the migraines and the energy crashes).
For a while, I was just in this desperate energy of trying to force change and part of me believes this is why nothing is working out. As a spiritual person, I know things happen for a reason, and being delayed right now is probably for my highest good. I don’t know why and sometimes it’s hard not to let depression win as someone whose main coping mechanism has been sleeping to escape life since I was 11- the fact I am still waking up, still trying the healthy habits, still searching, still trying is a testament of my growth even if no one can see it.
I hope you enjoyed this post and found it interesting. Also if you like my content it would mean the world to me if you would also subscribe to my YouTube channel, my Pinterest, and my TikTok account. On YouTube, I have the most inspirational content from Lifestyle Design posts to Digital "open when..." letters to boost your moods. I also keep a copy of my podcast episodes (which is also available on Spotify). I decided that I am honoring what feels right to me and continuously working on building the life of my dreams and helping others do the same. Don’t forget to share this if you feel inspired and I will have more content for you soon.
Until next time butterflies 🦋 Sincerely yours
Xoxo,
Lay 💋
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