The Science Behind Safety: Understanding Our Nervous System
- Lay Jordan
- May 31
- 9 min read
When was the last time you felt safe enough to follow through doing the things you always say that you would? This week on the A Little Atypical podcast, we had the pleasure of exploring the distinction between safety and comfort in personal development and how to cultivate self-trust. Episode 52, “How to start viewing yourself as a safe place,” was inspired by the question of what the difference is between comfort and safety.
Whether you're seeking to build authentic confidence, overcome fears, or deepen your relationship with yourself, this episode provides valuable tools and perspectives. We explore practical strategies for becoming your own safe haven while learning to dance with discomfort as a catalyst for building your dream life.
Before diving into the bonus content below, make sure to listen to the full episode for a comprehensive understanding of the distinction. Click below to tune in to Episode 52 and follow the podcast to never miss an episode:
Episode No. 52
Where to listen:
Since the episode is more on the shorter side, I want to use the bonus content to go deeper about the science of safety, focusing on the brain, nervous system, and hormones. This is something I really wanted to research because manifesting the necessary things for my dreams (accompanied by determination and effort, of course) has always been something easy for me, but the maintenance of those things has been the more difficult aspect.
How Perceived Threats Hold Us Back from Success
Something I’ve noticed is that we can take steps to move out of our comfort zones, but as soon as we perceive something as a threat, it can make us stagnant or revert to familiar territory. Let me share an example that illustrates how these perceived threats can affect our ability to maintain positive changes.
A talented professional finally achieves their dream position at a prestigious firm. Initially thrilled, her excitement began to fade as well-meaning family members constantly reminded her about workplace horror stories and potential failures. She started dressing more conservatively, speaking up less in meetings, and gradually retreating from networking opportunities (not because of any actual threats, but due to perceived ones).
Stella's story continued into her personal life. When she started a successful side business, she kept it low-key, afraid that too much visibility would invite criticism. During the pandemic, she found comfort in isolation, and when the world reopened, she struggled with reengaging, feeling threatened by the perceived pressure to "catch up" with others' social lives. Even her relationships suffered, she held back from fully committing, not because of actual relationship issues, but because vulnerability felt unsafe.
What's crucial to note in this story is that none of these threats were physically dangerous; they were emotional barriers created by perceived unsafe situations. This pattern of retreating from success due to perceived threats is more common than we might think, affecting many aspects of our lives, from career growth to personal relationships.
The Mind-Body Connection: Understanding Your Brain's Command Center and Its Impact on Personal Growth
While this is a completely normal experience, understanding the mind-body connection helps us recognize and prevent self-sabotaging behaviors. I know you probably heard from many other creators about how regulating your nervous system helps and participating in hormone health initiatives vastly improve your quality of life, but I want to take it a step further and go more in-depth with the way everything is connected. Let’s start with the hypothalamus.
Think of the hypothalamus as your body's internal thermostat and control center. It is a small section of the brain that regulates essential body functions and maintains internal balance. It controls temperature, hormones, sleep cycles, hunger, and other vital processes to keep your body working properly.
Here's where it gets interesting: your hypothalamus plays a crucial role by directing both your nervous system and your hormones. When you experience something your brain perceives as threatening (like a looming deadline or an uncomfortable social situation), your hypothalamus sends out two types of signals: one through your nervous system for immediate response, and another through hormones for longer-lasting effects.
Understanding Cortisol: Your Body's Natural Stress Response and the Balance of Your Nervous System
Now let's explore cortisol, the often misunderstood stress hormone. In wellness circles, cortisol is sometimes treated like the villain, but that's like blaming the fire department for water damage after they've saved your house from burning down.
Cortisol isn't inherently bad; it's a crucial part of your body's natural response system. Think of it as your body's built-in energy management tool. Too little cortisol can leave you feeling depleted and unable to handle stress, while too much can keep you in a constant state of high alert. The goal isn't to eliminate cortisol but to help it function as nature intended.
When we understand how cortisol works in our body, we can better appreciate its connection to our nervous system's stress response. These two systems work with cortisol supporting the body's longer-term adaptation to stress while the nervous system manages our immediate responses, which we will explore.
Your nervous system's two main modes
Sympathetic (your "action mode"): Kicks in when you need to take action - whether that's giving a presentation, meeting a deadline, or literally running from danger. It increases your heart rate, sharpens your focus, and prepares your body for action. This isn't inherently bad; you need this response to perform at your best.
Parasympathetic (your "rest and digest" mode): Activates when you're relaxed, digesting food, or recovering. It slows your heart rate, promotes healing, and allows your body to restore itself. This state is crucial for long-term health and well-being.
Imagine your nervous system as a car with both an accelerator (sympathetic) and brakes (parasympathetic). You need both to drive safely, and you need to know when to use each one. The key to optimal functioning isn't staying in one mode or the other, it's having the flexibility to shift between them appropriately. Problems arise when we get stuck in sympathetic mode, constantly feeling like we need to be "on." This can lead to burnout, anxiety, and difficulty relaxing. Equally problematic is being stuck in parasympathetic mode, where we might feel unmotivated or unable to take action when needed.
Research:
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/body/22566-hypothalamus
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/22187-cortisol
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/stress-on-the-brain/202304/cortisol-is-good-for-you/amp
https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/understanding-the-stress-response
https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/stress/art-20046037
The Science of Growth: Understanding Your Body's Response to Change and Challenge
Why does all this matter when you're trying to level up your life? Because understanding these systems helps you recognize when you're actually in danger versus when you're just uncomfortable.
When you're pushing past your comfort zone (whether it's starting a new business, entering a new relationship, or moving to a new city), your body might trigger the same stress response it would use for genuine threats. The key is learning to distinguish between productive discomfort and genuine danger.
In our modern world, our safety system faces unique challenges. We're constantly bombarded with "threats" our ancient brain wasn't designed to handle:
Social Media Overwhelm: Constant notifications, likes, and messages keep us in a state of alertness and anticipation, plus the addictive ping of notifications
Digital Work Environment: Back-to-back video calls, endless email chains, and the pressure of "hustle culture" to be "always online"
Financial Updates: Real-time stock market alerts, cryptocurrency fluctuations, and instant payment notifications
Information Overload: Breaking news alerts, multiple messaging platforms, and continuous content streams
Virtual Social Pressure: The need to maintain online presence, respond quickly to messages, keep up with digital social norms, and deal with the anxiety of comparing ourselves to others' highlight reels
Accelerated Trend Cycles: The rapid pace of social media trends, fashion cycles, and technological changes creates constant pressure to keep up and adapt quickly
Fast-Paced Content Consumption: The speed at which content becomes outdated or irrelevant, leading to constant pressure to stay current and informed
Rapid Market Changes: Quick shifts in business trends, consumer preferences, and industry standards require constant adaptation and learning
These modern stressors can keep our nervous system in a constant state of low-level alert, making it harder to distinguish between real and perceived threats.
Unconventional Ways to Build Your Safety System
Create a "Safety Time Capsule": Fill a box with items that remind you of times you successfully navigated change. Include photos, notes, or small objects that represent past victories. When facing new challenges, these tangible reminders can help ground you in your capability to handle change.
Practice "Exposure Dating": Instead of diving into big changes, "date" new experiences. Spend 15 minutes in situations that make you slightly uncomfortable, gradually increasing the duration. This helps your nervous system build tolerance for uncertainty.
Develop a "Safety Soundtrack": Create different playlists that mirror your nervous system states. Having specific songs for activation, calming, and baseline can help you actively regulate your state.
Life will always involve change and uncertainty - that's not just normal, it's necessary for growth. The goal isn't to eliminate all stress or discomfort but to build such a strong internal sense of safety that external changes don't throw you off balance. When you trust yourself to handle whatever comes your way, you can move through discomfort without getting stuck in fight-or-flight mode.
Your nervous system is your ally in growth and development. By understanding and working with it rather than against it, you can build the resilience needed to maintain the positive changes you create in your life.
I hope you enjoyed this post and found it interesting. Additionally, if you like my content, it would mean the world to me if you would also subscribe to my YouTube channel, my Pinterest, and my TikTok account. On YouTube, I have inspirational content from Lifestyle Design posts to Digital "open when..." letters to boost your mood. I also keep a copy of my podcast episodes (which are also available on Spotify). I decided that I am honoring what feels right to me and continuously working on building the life of my dreams and helping others do the same. Don’t forget to share this if you feel inspired, and I will have more content for you soon.
Until next time, butterflies 🦋 Sincerely yours
Xoxo,
Lay 💋
Episode Description:
Discover the crucial difference between comfort and safety in your personal growth journey! In this enlightening episode, we dive deep into why some people struggle with stepping out of their comfort zones and explore a fresh perspective on building self-trust. Learn how to become your own safe haven while embracing discomfort as a catalyst for growth.
💫 Key Topics:
Understanding the distinction between safety and comfort in personal development
How insecurity serves as a protective mechanism in our lives
Practical strategies for building self-trust and inner safety
Transforming your relationship with discomfort
Special moonology card reading for guidance and insight
🎯 Perfect for anyone looking to build genuine confidence, overcome fear of being seen, and create a stronger relationship with themselves. Whether you're new to personal development or a seasoned self-growth enthusiast, this episode offers valuable insights for your journey.
Follow my socials
Tik Tok- @Simplylayxx
YouTube- @SimplyLayxx
Instagram- @Simplylayxx
Twitter- @Simplylayxx
Pinterest- @Simplylayxx
Check out my blog post www.SimplyLay.com
Music by Remil - Evening Tea - https://thmatc.co/?l=DFECB5D4
Section | Timestamp | Notes |
Breaking Free: The Journey to Trusting Yourself | 00:00 | Highlights 🌟
|
The difference between comfort and safety | 02:24 | Highlights 🌟
|
Ways to Build Self-Trust and Become Your Own Safe Place | 05:47 | Highlights 🌟
|
Closing thoughts: Why this matters | 10:40 | Highlights 🌟
|
Card pull | 11:34 | Moonology card pull: We got a Full Moon in Sagittarius - "Look at the Bigger Picture" |
What I'm grateful for | 13:58 | June is around the corner because of the new changes coming into my life |
Comments