Reasons to stop rushing the healing process
- Lay Jordan
- Apr 12
- 10 min read
Updated: Apr 13
Episode No. 38
Where to listen:
What is a lesson that you wish you learned sooner? In my end-of-2024 podcast episode, I shared 24 powerful life lessons that shaped my year. While I initially planned to share 22 lessons (matching my age prior to my birthday), the richness of experiences led me to expand the list to 24 meaningful insights from 2024. Among these lessons, I made the conscious decision to open up about one of the most challenging chapters of my life - the end of a relationship that spanned 4 years, with someone who had been in my life even longer as a friend.
The decision to share this deeply personal story wasn't easy. Even now, the rawness of the experience lingers, and accepting this new reality continues to be a journey. However, it was this vulnerability that compelled me to share. This relationship was a significant part of who I am, and its impact on my growth and understanding of life deserves to be acknowledged.
This reflection resurfaced when I encountered discussions about Selena Gomez's collaborative work with Benny Blanco, "I Said I Loved You First." Beyond any personal opinions about the artists, what caught my attention was the public discourse surrounding the timing of her artistic expression. Critics questioned whether it was "too late" for her to address past experiences through her music. This sparked an important conversation about the nature of processing and expressing our experiences.
“Drama aside one thing I find so weird is when other people put an expiration date on when someone could express whatever they are feeling. Maybe as a creative person I just view it differently but you never see so much hate when people write a book or use their experiences to create tv shows or movies. Even outside creative expression, athletes use their experiences to fuel their growth. And even if something is someone's past, it could be another person's presents. We all have different things we connect to and imo it's great when someone puts out whatever they have experienced so other people can be either comforted by it or knows how to get through whatever it is.” -@simplylayHD on TikTok
My perspective on this debate is clear: there shouldn't be an arbitrary timeline for when someone can express their feelings or share their story. Creative expression - whether through music, literature, or any other medium - serves as a powerful tool for processing our experiences and connecting with others who might be going through similar situations. Just as athletes draw strength from past challenges to fuel their performance, artists and individuals should feel free to explore and express their experiences without judgment about timing.
The journey of healing is inherently complex and non-linear. As a society, we often shy away from embracing the emotional aspects of our experiences, despite these being fundamental to our human nature. The scope of healing extends far beyond the context of romantic relationships - it's about losing someone close to you, having family members who are still around but don't feel like family anymore, losing friends you thought would be in your life forever, dealing with not having a job, going through surgery and health stuff that scares you, huge life changes that flip your world upside down, or working through really tough stuff like different kinds of abuse.
This broader understanding of healing is why focusing solely on relationship breakups would have felt incomplete. The process of healing touches every aspect of our lives, and its complexities deserve thorough exploration and acknowledgment. Understanding this universal aspect of the human experience can help us approach our own healing journeys with greater patience and self-compassion.
Before we dive into the reasons why you should give yourself time to heal, I invite you to listen to the podcast episode linked above for more context and personal insights. If you've already tuned in, let's explore these important reasons together and understand why rushing through healing might be doing more harm than good.
Reasons to Honor Your Healing Journey
1) When you rush through the process, you don’t learn what you are supposed to and the same event occurs but in a different font [Repeating patterns in different scenarios]
When we rush healing, we miss crucial learning opportunities that life is trying to teach us. Think about it - how many times have you found yourself in situations that feel oddly familiar? Maybe it's getting into similar conflicts with different friends, or even repeating patterns in your career choices. These aren't coincidences. When we don't take the time to truly understand and process our experiences, we end up walking into the same situations wearing different shoes. It's like life keeps presenting us with the same test in different packaging until we finally learn the lesson. By taking the time to sit with our experiences, reflect on them deeply, and understand what they're trying to teach us, we can break free from these recurring patterns and create genuine, lasting growth in our lives.
2) It isn’t that time heals all wounds but through practice we can figure out the best way of processing hard things [Building emotional resilience]
Learning to truly heal instead of just cope truly requires finding the right techniques. For example, I used to deal with heartbreak by immediately seeking a new romantic interest - a behavior known as limerence. In the podcast episode, I discussed my initial impulse to start dating again after my breakup. However, after taking time to reflect, I realized this desire stemmed more from feeling hurt by his actions than genuine readiness. For the first time in my life, I chose to have a period without seeking crushes or new connections just because he was talking to someone else. While it's painful when someone seems to replace you quickly, I realized I needed to respect myself enough to focus on true healing methods rather than falling back on familiar coping patterns. Taking this time also led me to a profound realization about my healing process - the vital role of creativity. Through this journey, I discovered that creative expression isn't just a hobby, but a fundamental tool for processing emotions and experiences. Whether through writing, drawing, or other forms of creative expression, these outlets challenge my usual ways of thinking and communicating, providing new perspectives and pathways to work through difficult moments. This creative approach to healing has become an essential part of how I navigate life's challenges, something I might have missed had I rushed to "get over" my experiences.
3) The way you look at a situation will change as you have new experiences and encounters. You can start off angry, then sad , then the more you experience life and think back to that time your perspective will view it so differently [Evolution of perspective]
Our understanding of situations naturally deepens and changes as we gain more life experience. What might initially feel like a devastating setback could later be recognized as a crucial turning point that led to personal growth. Similarly, relationships we once idealized might be seen in a more nuanced light as we mature and gain perspective. Rushing through healing denies us these valuable insights - we miss the opportunity to see events from different angles, understand the complex interplay of emotions and circumstances, and recognize patterns that might be influencing our choices. This evolution of perspective is a natural part of the healing process that only comes with time, patience, and thoughtful reflection.
4) A lot of times when things are new and fresh, it’s harder to be objective and so we aren’t looking or thinking of ways we MAY have contributed to something happening or have any responsibility. Allowing yourself time may open up new [Emotional objectivity and self-awareness]
When we're in the midst of emotional turmoil, our judgment tends to be clouded by intense feelings - whether it's anger, hurt, or disappointment. This emotional fog can prevent us from seeing the complete picture, especially our own contributions to challenging situations. It's like trying to see clearly through a steamy mirror - the image is distorted and unclear. With time and distance, however, this fog begins to lift. We start to recognize patterns in our behavior, understand our triggers better, and acknowledge where we might have handled things differently. This newfound clarity isn't about assigning blame; rather, it's about developing a more nuanced understanding of complex situations. Sometimes we might realize we were too harsh in our judgments, or perhaps we notice ways we could have communicated more effectively. This kind of honest self-reflection, which only comes with emotional distance, creates the foundation for meaningful personal growth and helps us approach future situations with greater wisdom and self-awareness.
5) Life is full of layers and due to that a lot of times things and events are happening simultaneously so we don’t give the proper attention to things in the first place to actually heal that quickly [Complex life intersections]
Life rarely presents challenges in isolation. This resonated deeply with me when I saw a video of a college student discussing how university life barely allows time for proper grieving - you're constantly forced to jump back into academic mode and think about your next deadline. This hit home because even two years after graduating, I spent most of my first post-college year processing events I couldn't fully address while they were happening. From coping with my step-grandmother's death to navigating changing family dynamics, watching my relationship transform, and developing health issues - everything overlapped. I couldn't give proper attention to any single challenge because anxiety about the future consumed me. This experience perfectly illustrates why rushing through healing can leave important aspects of our lives unaddressed and unresolved.
The Pink Moon's Message: Healing Takes Time
True healing isn't just about getting over something - it's about closing a chapter with the genuine feeling that you're ready to embrace new life experiences. When you give yourself the time and space to heal properly, you emerge not just recovered, but transformed, carrying wisdom rather than wounds into your next chapter.
As I write this during the Libra Full Moon (April 12, 2025, at 8:23 PM EST), I'm reminded of the cosmic synchronicity in our healing journeys. Astrologers suggest this is a powerful time for reflection, particularly on events that occurred during significant astrological periods - October 14, 2023; March 25, 2024; and October 2, 2024 - when the North Node was in Aries and the South Node in Libra. These cosmic alignments often illuminate patterns in our lives, showing us where we've been and where we're headed.
During this transformative period, the themes of relationships - both with others and myself - emerged as central focuses in my life. Career transitions and challenges, shifts in home life, and evolving family dynamics are all intertwined to create a tapestry of change. However, what truly catalyzed my growth was a deepening connection with my creative expression and a redefinition of my relationship with faith and spirituality. This journey wasn't just about healing from specific events, but about discovering new dimensions of myself and understanding life's interconnectedness in ways I hadn't before.
Whether you follow astrology or not, the principle remains the same: healing is a journey that unfolds in its own time, revealing patterns and insights we couldn't have discovered if we'd rushed through the process. By honoring this journey, we don't just heal - we evolve, growing into stronger, wiser versions of ourselves, ready to write beautiful new chapters in our lives.
What Inspired this Episode:
This episode was inspired by a period of deep personal reflection during 2024, particularly focusing on life-changing events and transitions. The process of documenting 24 meaningful lessons emerged naturally from navigating various challenges, including the end of a significant 4-year relationship, health struggles, and personal growth moments.
Episode Description:
In this powerful episode, we dive deep into 24 transformative life lessons that touch on personal growth, relationships, and self-discovery. From understanding the difference between security and success to embracing the extraordinary journey of life, each lesson offers valuable insights for listeners navigating their own paths.
A highlight of this episode includes a vulnerable storytelling segment where I share my personal experience with heartbreak, using it as a foundation to discuss why we shouldn't center our entire value system around romantic relationships. This raw and honest conversation explores themes of self-worth, healing, and the importance of maintaining a balanced perspective on love.
Key themes covered:
Self-confidence and personal growth
Accepting help and embracing change
Building healthy relationships (with others and yourself)
Understanding time and personal timelines
Finding joy in peaceful moments
Whether you're going through a difficult time or seeking inspiration for personal development, this episode offers practical wisdom and heartfelt encouragement for your journey ahead.
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Music by Remil - Evening Tea - https://thmatc.co/?l=DFECB5D4
Section | Timestamp | Notes |
Introduction | 00:00 | -The goal is to reflect, inspire, and set the tone for the year to come
|
Lessons Learned | 00:46 | -There's a difference between what will make someone feel secure and successful
-Help is all around you when you are ready to accept it
-Confidence is a lifetime practice and how we embody it varies from person to person
-Trying is all we can do; the result of our actions is out of our control but taking action is
-Looking for proof of the outcome keeps you stuck
- Nothing poisons your potential more than insecurity
-Self-responsibility is the baseline for improvement
- Someone's perception of you isn't a definition, it's a reflection of their inner world so don't take things personally because it never is
-Change isn't always what we can see
-Procrastination and De-prioritization of the things you want are the quickest way to self-abandonment
-Trust, Honesty, Compassion, Understanding, Open communication, and boundaries are the foundation of a healthy relationship including with yourself
- Stop searching for validation outside of yourself
-To come together things must fall apart
-Decenter romantic relationships (they aren't the end all be all of love )
-Love is learned, don't feel guilty over uncharted territory
-Throw out the timeline
-Someone else's life isn't meant to be a reflection of the way yours should go
-Time is something we make, we defy how it's used, how our values are infused, and what is important to you
-It doesn't need to make sense to people outside of your experience
-You don't owe anyone an explanation, convincing people to see your truth is a waste of energy
-Find the joy in the peace, there is joy when "nothing" happens because a moment is happening
-What you dream of is just the surface level of your capabilities
-When you are meant to have big things happen to you, the lessons will hit harder and your time will take longer, but it's worth it
-extraordinary is extra for a reason, be patient and persist
|
Card Pull | 32:35 | -Wild Unknown Animal Spirit Deck -Eagel |
What I'm grateful for | 34:40 | -To be recovered from being sick/ being healthy |
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