In 2022, I made a blog post called New Year, New Rules: Non-Negotiable Habits and I felt inspired to write a similar post with the standards I came up with for this upcoming year.
Setting standards for ourselves is an incredibly valuable practice that can greatly enhance our lives. Not only does it demonstrate self-respect, but it also signifies that we refuse to settle for less than we deserve. Contrary to popular belief, having standards doesn't make us judgmental or self-centered. It doesn't mean that others must conform to our expectations, nor does it diminish their worth if they don't align with our standards. It's not about attacking their character. Rather, it's about avoiding compromising situations that leave us feeling stressed, frustrated, or disheartened.
Setting standards is not about perfection or comparison to others. It's about honoring and respecting yourself enough to create a life that is aligned with your truest desires and values. It's about saying no to things that don't serve you and saying yes to things that bring you joy, fulfillment, and a sense of purpose.
By setting standards, we can break free from the cycle of people-pleasing and live our lives according to our own expectations. It allows us to establish boundaries and prioritize our well-being. When we have clear standards, we are less likely to tolerate toxic relationships, toxic environments, or situations that are detrimental to our mental, emotional, and physical health.
Setting standards is a form of self-care. It empowers us to make choices that align with our values and bring us joy and fulfillment. It helps us have a strong sense of self-worth and self-confidence. When we have high standards for ourselves, we are more likely to attract people and opportunities that align with our values and bring out the best in us.
In this blog post, I'll share some of the standards I've personally set that have had a profound impact on my overall well-being. Feel free to draw inspiration from them, but remember that your own standards should be rooted in your values and ignite a sense of purpose within you. Take the time to reflect on what truly matters to you and what you want to prioritize in your life. Don't be afraid to set ambitious standards that challenge you to grow and become the best version of yourself.
My Non-Negotiable Standards/
Mindset Rules for 2024
1. When self-doubt creeps in, ask “Why not”.
Ex: If I say “I can’t find love like that”, the response is “ Why not”. If I say “I can’t go viral on Social media”, the response is “ Why not”. Keep asking “Why not” until your inner critic f*cks off.
2. When you are in a frustrating situation/ in something that is messing with your vibe, just tell yourself “You get to grow from this”.
3. When you manifest something and it’s no longer serving you, that’s a reminder from the universe not to settle
4. When people say negative things, do not take it personally. People make up things all the time to fit their beliefs and just because it fits their perspective doesn’t make it true.
5. Take compliments and praise with a grain of salt, don’t give someone else the power to validate something you should know.
6. My desires always manifest into reality effortlessly because the universe and I have this unbreakable bond
7. If it sparks passion, joy, confidence, or inspiration, it is a non-negotiable
8. My presence is paid for; spending time with me isn’t something cheap; I am exclusive & expensive
9. It doesn't surprise me when good things happen to me; my desires are always pulled towards me with rapid force
10. I don’t have to do anything for attention; my existence is enough
11. Anyone who tells me I am too much or makes me feel like I am not enough, are not deserving of me
12. I am allowed to love/care for people and still leave them if they are destroying my perception of myself. To love/care for someone else doesn’t mean I have to sacrifice the love I crafted for myself.
13. Providing myself with love and care is not selfish or narcissistic; it gives me the capacity to love others purely
14. Expectations are what we impose on others, standards are what we hold for ourselves. Never let anyone guilt you for the standards you are holding.
15. You will never be too much for someone who can’t get enough of you
16. It can be done and it will be done.
17. The right eye will always see your worth, you don’t need to convince anyone who deserves to be in your life.
18. Impatience is self-sabotage to consistency.
19. Success is failure that didn’t quit.
20. Other people’s success will never undermine your own
21. The learning stage is something everyone must go through. Give yourself grace through the process of becoming.
22. Reset. Recharge. Refocus. Restart.
23. When looking at my vision board or thinking of what I desire, always say “This or greater”. While an "all or nothing" mindset can be harmful, saying this or greater confirms how much you believe in your manifestations while leaving room for opportunities that you haven’t even pictured yet
24. Don’t get jealous when you see someone have a relationship with a person who does things that fuel your love language, just say your husband will possess that same quality.
Your standards originate from your experience
That is all for today. I know this seems brief but truthfully when you are creating your standards/mindset rules it is important to not overwhelm yourself. Even though I don’t have to explain why I wrote this. I am 22 years old now and I think back often to 17 years old. 17 was a big year for me because that was the time when I graduated from high school, my friend group shifted and I got to my first and only relationship. It’s strange to think about how fast life can change but the biggest change I experienced was within my mindset and my self-esteem. I used to feel like I didn’t deserve to have anyone in my life, that I was so worthless that I would be lucky if anyone gave me the time of day… essentially no self-esteem and so much self-hatred. I think it is so important for girls who have shifted perspectives of themselves to learn to create the standards they never experienced before. While some of these mindset rules may seem like I am coming off as narcissistic or entitled, the reality is it is so hard to learn to love yourself and believe you are worth it when that hasn’t been your reality before. I used to be upset about everything and anything because I was so afraid of losing myself. I held my tongue a lot and tried to keep the peace until I realized that only created resentment. My feelings would bubble up and then it would spill all at once which created this mess that made everyone feel worse. I also felt like I would hold on to people not because of who they were but the experiences I had with them which wasn't fair that I couldn’t admire them for who they are presently. My point is don’t judge yourself or anyone else's standards because we don’t know their entire story of what made them want to make that rule in the first place. Standards are so we can have a say in what makes us have an enjoyable experience instead of living life.
I once saw someone say “High standards can increase one’s chances of having low-quality experiences because so many more experiences will fall below one’s threshold of quality”. I can’t necessarily agree with this because I believe that our standards should be created from original experiences. For instance, when you first start dating and it’s your first time having to pursue a relationship romantically- you don’t necessarily know what to expect coming from it. A lot of times, people create standards during an experience or after. The key is to try something first with no or low expectations before you have standards down the line. If it wasn’t for 1st experience in dating, I wouldn’t know that for me to feel satisfied romantically I need someone who is constantly romantic and doesn’t stop romantic gestures because we have been together a while. If I am with someone, it has to feel like they are falling more in love with me in time as opposed to feeling like the spark is burning out, that I am not worth the effort anymore. And I am not going to stay if the person makes me question my worth because I worked so hard and so long to get to a place where I can see something in myself. Setting standards for yourself is a powerful practice that can transform your life. It's not about being judgmental or self-centered, but rather about honoring and respecting yourself enough to create a life that aligns with your true desires and values.
I hope you enjoyed this blog post and if you have taken the time to read this, I am truly grateful. If you have anything you want to see more of, be sure to comment with suggestions or email me about content ideas. Remember to subscribe to my YouTube channel, and follow my TikTok, Instagram, Pinterest, and Twitter to connect and stay up to date. I am excited about my next blog post so make sure you come back. Until then, there’s a lot more content on my YouTube channel. I hope you have a good day, evening, or night.
Until next time,
xoxo Lay 💋