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May 2024 Monthly Reflect



Hey guys,

Something I want to do is share my reflections at the end of the month. I realized I was not taking the time to really show appreciation for my season in life and I wanted to share little things that made my month better from themes of the month and playlists to the more serious life lessons. I hope you enjoy it!


Word of the Month






I chose the word cultivate for the theme of May because I wanted to focus on growing. April was the first month of my 2nd 12-week year and so far it was my best month because, after it, I finally felt ready to push my life forward. April's theme was "Conscious" (meaning I wanted to increase awareness). So by the end of the month, I realized these few things:




I was in a good place with being consistent with exercise to start working my way up to more.


  • While 3 days a week is good for maintaining health (for me), I have specific goals, and daily movement is the way to achieve them. I don't like saying "working out" because I feel like when I think of working out I don't think of all activities that are so fun it doesn't feel like a workout. I don't think of hula hooping, I don't think of jump roping, I don't think of walking, etc. I want to dedicate at least 45 minutes to intentional movement, especially at the beginning of the day because it sends a signal to my brain that my health is my priority. When in college nothing felt important except getting good grades and a job. Then after I graduated, and had a job, I realized I needed to start paying attention to health first. Even though I accomplished my goals, with bad health (Physically and mentally), maintaining them was extremely difficult.


My insecurities were affecting my life drastically

  • I am a believer that life has so many different paths. There are so many versions of the way your life can unfold. From my perspective, there is so much I want to do and to become all that I want to be, I need to get to a point of confidence. While it is normal to have insecurities, there is a difference between that and being insecure. When you become your insecurities because you start identifying with them and it begins to influence the way you show up in life or more accurately keep you hiding in your life then it's a clear signal that something has to change. I had anxiety over whether that's shallow or ridiculous, but I believe each person has their own point of confidence and the way to execute that will be unique to each person. Faking it until I made it wasn't enough for me. It made me feel like a fraud and liar and I knew that I needed something real for me to work with.


I needed to develop my self-trust to improve my decision-making

  • One thing I don't see addressed enough in the wellness space is self-trust and decision-making. I talked about this a bit in a YouTube video but I am not sure if my thoughts got fully across. Being in your twenties is the best and worst because like I previously mentioned there are a lot of possibilities. When it comes down to it, your choices are all that matters in the possibilities. You can't choose the circumstances you were born into nor can you control the outcome of your choices. Your choices are all you have control of, whether they are good or bad is relatively subjective. However, if you don't trust yourself, how can you trust your choices? I have always been someone with a plan. This is the first time in my life where I don't have one and it terrifies me to be so uncertain. I'm not indecisive because I am a libra (as much as I would like to blame my sun sign to evict responsibility from myself), I am indecisive because I gave myself no reason to trust myself. I was always so worried about wanting to do right by other people, wanting to prove myself as valuable, wanting to be not seen as useless or whatever bad thing I was getting labeled as (or more so, what I thought I was getting labeled as; considering I am not a mind reader and have no possible way of knowing what people thought). Through my actions and choices, I always signaled to my brain my life wasn't my own. I needed to fix that by fixing my relationship with myself.


Cultivating originally referred to plants but over time the definition expanded. In May, My focus was to develop. I think I spent so much time becoming more aware of things in my life that the only next step that felt right was to prepare to develop. I think of it as the month of laying the foundation for what's to come and June will be all about basking in the joy of trying new actions and activities to end off before I enter year 3.


Affirmations


Since the new moon of May was in Taurus, I centered my affirmations around " I Have" and "I Value". Taurus is a sign that centers around security and I felt like the things I was thinking, feeling, and doing were reflecting that. I typically do 3 affirmations per month centered around the new moon.


Mine are below:


  1. I have everything I need to have the life of my dreams

  2. I value my peace and happiness so I will do what it takes to have it in my daily life

  3. I have guidance to create financial stability without going against my values and passions


Romanticizing


Motivation Board of the month


While I have a vision board for the entire 2024, for each month I have a motivation board. that I like to use as my phone wallpaper. My yearly vision board remains on my laptop throughout the year but resetting my phone wallpaper sparks a new feeling and allows me to refocus and get in tune with the different themes I am turning my focus to to contribute to the bigger picture. Typically I either create on my Pinterest app since they have a collage feature but if I want something with more accurate measurements and want to play around with fonts and words, Canva is another place I love to create this on.



Playlist of the month


POV: You are falling back in love with life


Description: I have what I need to create the life of my dream • The universe continuously provides for me so I’m always secure • I Am Financially Secure • I make 6-figures from my digital products • I am a natural at attracting people • I am constantly influencing others because they trust me • I love my life






I have a playlist with all the songs I come across throughout the year, but one thing I've been loving to do is make playlists of a certain vibe to fully express my energy of the month. It is more mood-based and typically I create them at the end of the previous month. I used to shy away from sharing my music taste because I had this fear of being judged for it or getting called "mainstream" . I also know people notice things about music that I don't . Typically if I like a song it's either because of the lyrics or it triggers a memory for me, not necessarily about the artist themselves.



May's Vibe


The songs I chose for May were a decent amount of break-up songs because in a sense this is my first summer not being in a relationship since 2019 and truthfully I wanted more so to break up with the idea that a person will be my source of happiness.


This blog has seen me range from my depression to my healing and my friendships lost and gained. One realization I had for a while (not necessarily new) is how relationships affect me, platonic and romantic. I feel like I either get so wrapped up in them my identity and my way of being is completely altered or I let my insecurities and fears build a gap between something that could be good for me. Regardless of the situation, the issue is grappling between control instead of letting things unfold. So besides some break-up songs, the others songs are flirty, carefree, and unrestricted. It sounds contradictive, but also is a clear representation of how I see my life right now. There is this bittersweetness about it. I don't have all the things I want or the things that I think will make my life put together ( although I question if that put-togetherness is really a mirror of my own beliefs or society), but have time and the ability to decide how to use it.



My favorite song of May started out as " Espresso" by Sabrina Carpenter. I enjoyed the song because it gave unbothered energy. Sometimes I do have this uptightness about me that being carefree is not something easy for me. For me the song represents exactly who I am striving to be: someone who is so unapologetic myself and feels security in my femininity. Yes, lyrics-wise it is about a guy but the undertone themes of the song were really about feminism. It reminded me of a book I was reading called "Why Men Love Bitches". The concept of the book was to be a dream girl which also meant to stop being too nice/ a doormat in your relationships. In the song Expresso, she positions herself as being the dream girl, the lines " when he acts that way, I know I got him". She is not worried about changing herself and that is enough, she isn't desperate to try to prove her value. Not to mention the symbolism - expresso is a small concentration known for its richness and intensity. As a fellow short girl who knows her personality may be too intense for some people but also recognizes there is a richness to it - everything about the song was something I loved.


By the end of May, the song I had on repeat was "I Can Do It with a Broken Heart" by Taylor Swift. While as I mentioned I struggle to do the whole faking it thing, the song was addictive to me because of the concept of perception. In some ways, I feel the opposite of how she does. She uses juxtaposition to highlight people's perception of her life vs what she was experiencing. In her case she is successful, many people viewed this time as being at the height of her career but as she explains she was feeling deeper, more negative things. Many people assume that she should be happier than ever but in her perspective, she is telling the listener that it is all a facade. I talked about this with someone that sometimes I feel guilty about how happy I feel because on paper this probably looks like the worst year of my life. I'm confused and lost more than ever, I am unemployed and I am single and of course, I do have stress over these things but at the same time this is the year I hated myself the least, while I work towards things it's less of sense of anxiety but excitement and of course I am terrified but I think the terror is less about my life but how it's being perceived... that I should feel more embarrassed and ashamed about the prospects of my life in terms of myself this is the first year in my life that I felt more like an ally to myself as opposed to an enemy. I am finally having a year when being me feels like a home more than a prison


Honorable mention- Truth or Dare by Tyla.


Overview




Books completed:


  1. The Grim Reaper’s Lawyer (May 1st)

  2. Funny Story (May 4th)

  3. King of Sloth (May 8th)

  4. Why Men Love Bitches (May 10th)

  5. The Naturals (May 14th)

  6. The Graham Effect (May 15)

  7. Level up: How to get focused, Stop procrastinating and level up your life (May 23)[audiobook 🎧]

  8. The Princess Trap (May 30)


Books started in May but not finished:

  1. The Midnight Library

  2. Influencer

  3. Killer Instinct

  4. The Year of Less [audiobook 🎧]


Total books read in 2024 (so far): 29 books ( Physical- 19; Audio-10)


Shows watched:


I started watching Bridgerton in April after Heartbreak High Season 2 and got obsessed. I watched seasons 1 and 2 in April.


  • Queen Charlotte

  • Bridgerton Season 3 Part 1

  • The business proposal (Partially) [Rewatch]


Conclusion


If I had to rate May, I would probably give it a 6 out of 10. My happiness was good, there was maybe only one bad moment. I was proud to finally upload my digital product because it is something I said I wanted to do; There is a learning curve for things like product description, SEO, and making the shop page visible on mobile but in time I feel like I can learn more about selling. I am also happy to start the process of show notes and create bonus content for the podcast. I feel like it makes everything more engaging and gives space for behind-the-scenes. I am still in the process of catching up which is why there won't be new blog content until I get up at least to episode 20 of the podcast but I still wanted to take a break for a monthly review.


My biggest lesson this month was about not allowing myself to get stuck. I had a thought about the pressure to move forward and to constantly be elevating, but maybe instead of focusing on the direction, maybe it is more important to just keep moving. If a car tries to move forward at a dead end, what happens? Sometimes it's smarter to allow yourself to allow yourself to reverse, so you can change path because the best path may not always be right next to the dead end. Then choose to go left or right and see where that leads you. It sounds cliche, but this was my note self this month.


If you like my content it would mean the world to me if you would also subscribe to my YouTube channel, my Pinterest, and my TikTok account. On YouTube, I have the most inspirational content from Lifestyle Design posts to Digital "open when..." letters to boost your moods. I also keep a copy of my podcast episodes (which is also available on Spotify). I decided that I am honoring what feels right to me and continuously working on building the life of my dreams and helping others do the same. Don’t forget to share this if you feel inspired and I will have more content for you soon.


Until next time butterflies 🦋


Xoxo,

Lay 💋


 

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