In my opinion, healing doesn’t mean you are this broken thing but I would describe it as processing aspect of our lives. Sometimes we need time to process an end of a relationship you valued, a traumatic event but sometimes the things you need to heal from aren’t as dark or ominous...
Hey everyone,
I hope your January is going well so far. It’s crazy that this upcoming Monday marks halfway through the month. How have your goals been going? I feel like the momentum to change last at least from the end of the previous year to the middle of January. With that being said, I wanted to talk about reinventing yourself before the motivation to change starts to fade.
The Lifestyle design video of the week focuses on an introduction to the topic ranging from taking about traditional suggestions, my biggest suggestion that changed my perspective to what helped me re-spark my energy until I was able to build self-discipline and become consistent.
In addition, the Podcast episode focuses on resistance to change when you are reinventing yourself. I share the struggles that I experienced when reinventing myself because change could be extremely uncomfortable.
Today we are focusing on reinventing ourselves after a Healing era. Healing is not a linear path and nor does it have an end. In my opinion, healing doesn’t mean you are this broken thing but I would describe it as processing aspect of our lives. Sometimes we need time to process an end of a relationship you valued, a traumatic event but sometimes the things you need to heal from aren’t as dark or ominous- like healing after realizing your beliefs are not serving you or letting go of the person you no longer are.
Healing comes in many shapes and forms but I believe that the most important part about healing is implementing the lessons you discovered from that period so you can reinvent yourself in a way that allows you to live in your truth and be the most authentic version of yourself,
Lessons I learned from my Healing Era
1. Learning to let go of things that aren’t in my control
One thing I realized was that I had a strong need for control. In my life when things weren’t going the way I wanted them to, I would have a negative reaction. I would look for ways to try to control something and act in harmful ways to myself, even though I knew it wouldn’t change anything.
There are so many things that are out of your control like:
If you get rejected from the job you applied for
If people who barely spoken to you decide to pass judgment on you simply because of a rumor
If a stranger online leaves a hateful comment about your appearances
If a person who is supposed to be your friend or lover is acting in ways that make you feel unsupported, unloved, undervalued, and/or under-appreciated
I used to take things that were unfavorable to me as there had to be something wrong with me or question why I couldn’t have things work out for me. But once I was healing I realized I got to set boundaries with those things. If I don’t get a job- rejection is a blessing in disguise because what if it threw me off what I actually meant to do with my life and I get stuck there with high resentment and unfulfilled goals? People who spread rumors are just people who look for anything (or anyone) to redirect attention from themselves because they are afraid people will see them for who they are. Or they do it because there is not much interesting things about themselves. A stranger leaving a hateful comment is a cry for attention they aren’t getting in real life and if it’s something that bothers me, I can simply delete it because it’s my digital space. Also, if someone with whom I’m supposed to have a mutual caring relationship with, has been acting in ways that provoked me to question my worth to them and I already communicated everything I’ve been feeling, I can decide what our relationship (if there’s any) would be like going forward. I decide how much I focus on them or how much energy I give, I can choose to enforce my boundaries and stand on business if I am being hurt internally or externally in this situation.
How people react and respond after is not in my control because regardless of what I do people will react, whether it’s positive or negative based on if what I did or said is in alignment with their personal beliefs and perception of their world. So I might as well act in a way that feels aligned with my truth.
2. Learning the difference between critique and criticism
When I was in my college era, I took a course called “Creative and Aesthetics” and one of the lessons from the course that had the most influence on my personal life was the lesson of someone giving critique vs criticism. Maybe what I learned hit the closest to home because I describe myself as creative and to an extent I love aesthetics in the sense I find them interesting.
She said there was a difference between straight attacking someone (criticism) and finding things you like about the subject and offering methods of improvement (critique). Critique is essentially constructive criticism and is more respectful than criticism.
I used to be afraid of being perceived because in my head it would hurt me, but once I heard this, I stopped looking at everything as a personal attack. Everyone has their opinions, but if I kept taking everything to heart, I would be stuck. Some opinions can be useful for seeing things that are my blind spots and a lot of times if the intention means well, I will consider exploring their feedback.
However, if someone simply thinks what I put out is “bad” or says “It sucks” or says “wtf is this”- I don’t give any value to those words because there is no reasoning behind what they are saying. It’s okay for people to not like things, but without the why it just looks like they are just talking to talk and add to the conversation without bringing any meaning.
3. Learning what I feared and about the complexity of emotions to evolve
I had a lot of fears that were controlling the way I was functioning in life. The first time I noticed it was when we were heading back to school for my 5th semester. I felt the fear of being seen. The time in my life that I referred to as the in-the-house era was the time I was forced to think about myself in a new way. Sometimes I think that if I didn’t experience that time when I was home a lot with my thoughts, I would still be a people pleaser and would’ve been forcing myself to do the things and having a difficult time saying no. It felt peaceful that there was a reason I could say no outside.
I always had a hard time just being because there was always contradictory when it came to me. I wanted to be a content creator but” how can someone like me do that?”. I wanted to be seen but not be seen trying and/or failing. I wanted to talk about the things I noticed from the world but what made my opinions, observations, and perspective so important that they were worth sharing? What if I said something so controversial that people would attack me for the ways I’ve seen life even though my perspective is all I know? I wanted attention but I wanted good attention. I wanted people to see me for all I am and understand me but I wanted them to understand me from my perspective but not theirs.
It was like there were things I wanted like recognition, closeness to other people, to be seen, to be understood but I also was afraid of the things I desired. So then I learned about limiting beliefs and emotions like shame or guilt and honestly a lot of negatively perceived emotions so I could understand myself. I could understand my tendency to self-sabotage because I was afraid.
4. Learning patience in the process and trusting my intuition
This is an ongoing thing that I constantly have to remind myself of. I had a thought the other day when I was starting to feel impatient with everything I am doing to change my life. I meditated and a question popped up “What if I got everything I wanted”. I searched for that when I was done and got reminded that was the title of Billie Eilish's song. I haven’t listened to that song in years but I listened to it again. The symbolism in the song is beautiful.
When she talks about being on the Golden Bridge and falling into the water, I took that as reaching the place that you saw beauty in/ something you had an illusion about (since it's so famous for being one the most beautiful bridges) and falling from the high point you made it to. The thing about getting everything you want is once you get it- it’s like then all you live for is maintaining and the pressure to maintain is high with everyone watching you.
I think when you get everything you want, it can either make you greedier to find something else to fulfill you or you lose yourself trying to keep that thing in your life from slipping you. It’s like your life is no longer about you, but that thing. If I managed to get everything I wanted out of life at this second I would not be able to handle it: There are about 6 different careers I find curiosity in, 10 things that would be fun to pick up as a hobby, So many places I want to travel and so many eras where I want different things to center around.
I’m only 22 and the thing about time is I don’t know how long my life will be, I can only take care of myself the best way I can, but I don’t know what I will get to experience or won’t. I don’t want to wait to do the things important to me, but that also doesn’t mean I have short-term goals only. I‘m just saying I am going to appreciate where I’m at, I am going to work on the different things I want to experience just not all at once, and For some things, I am willing to play the long game for. However, if it doesn’t happen in this lifetime maybe it’s because it’s meant for another.
If that doesn’t make sense think of life as going on a main quest vs a side quest. I feel like the main quest is what aligns with your truth and the side quests are simply things that expand your perspective and develop who you are as a person.
My reinvention 2.0: How I’m reinventing myself now
Having full fate in myself and cutting all the safety nets
Something I used to do is I would keep a lot of options open, out of fear that what I wanted wouldn’t be obtainable for me. I no longer am making alternatives for my life but I am planning multiple strategies for the same goal. Maybe by doing those strategies, I might discover a more specified goal that stems from the original. The point is I want to trust my intuition and myself without anything to fall back on because that’s how I get trapped in doing something that makes me feel misery, doubt, and unenthusiastic about life.
Listening heavily to my intuition
I am not going to push down thoughts no matter what emotion they evoke, I feel like they are there for me to observe, to teach me something to teach me something, and for me to explore. No thoughts that enter my brain are unimportant. They may be important to me now or somewhere else in time.
Trusting my timing
In this era, I want to focus on gradually upgrading myself. In the past, I would try to do too many things at once: I wanted high grades, start my career, make new friends, changing my style, want to develop my skills, etc. It is possible for some people in multiple areas of life, but for me it's overwhelming and I don't need to focus on everything if it doesn't work for me.
In 2024, I had 6 goals (5 short-term and 1 long term) and each of those goals, will be a center of focus but
From January to Mach my focus is:
Goal 1 "I am a successful content creator"
Content Posting schedule
What do I want to be known for? (Niche - Lifestyle/ Wellness)
Editing style
A consistent posting schedule
Goal 2 'I have my desired appearances
Changing my eating habits- I will go deeper on this week's podcast episode of what I've been doing in this area since November 2023
Daily movement- I want movement and physical activity to be something I can do without it being an internal debate
Upgrading my skincare and hair care routines because I want clear skin and for my hair to be healthy in its natural state
Challenging myself to make outfits I like with what's in my closet
Goal 3 "I have my first business creating digital products"
Learn about digital products
Make blueprints for the things I want to create by March
Researching the platform I want to use (I can either go into 3rd party for more visibility or take a chance and create a space for them on this blog)
Learning more about the aspects of business that I didn't focus on in school (I was mainly a marketing major with minors such as design thinking. I feel like I want to learn more about things like intellectual property, copyright, and of course sales so I know what I am getting into.
Making more time for this weekly
Everything I am focused on is very centered around me, so I am not focused on the socializing aspect of my life right now. I do have goals centered around connection and friendships this year but I want this first era to be about laying a foundation for myself.
I also currently have 1 hobby in this era but by the next one, I will make enough progress that I could add more socializing and more hobbies because I feel more confident and relaxed about the progress I've made in this one.
Maybe in the next, I'll focus on my makeup, going on hot girl walks, solo dates, and more weekly check-ins with my friends and family but if I add all those things along with the foundation I am setting up, I will quit way too soon.
Centering my decisions around who I'm becoming
In the past, I would center my decisions about who I was in the present instead of what I what to change. I felt guilty wanting to change as well and I explained that the most when speaking about my resistance to change the first time. The decision I make isn't to be anyone else but my future self.
Putting out things regardless of how I feel about them
I did not like writing this blog post. I felt like it was too long, that everything I was explaining did not make enough sense, and overall that it just should be scrapped because I don't like how I executed this. If you are reading this, clearly regardless of my feelings about it, maybe this is something someone needs to see. Maybe I'm too personally involved to see the good qualities. We are our biggest critics and I'm not going to let mine hold me back from putting out things.
What is written, could be edited. What is recorded can have a part 2. The point is to not hold back.
I hope you enjoyed this post and found it interesting. Also if you like my content it would mean the world to me if you would also subscribe to my YouTube channel, my Pinterest, and my TikTok account. On YouTube, I have the most inspirational content from Lifestyle Design posts to Digital "open when..." letters to boost your moods. I also keep a copy of my podcast episodes (which is also available on Spotify). I decided that I am honoring what feels right to me and continuously working on building the life of my dreams and helping others do the same. Don’t forget to share this if you feel inspired and I will have more content for you soon.
Until next time butterflies 🦋
Xoxo,
Lay 💋