How to: Move On
Updated: Jun 10, 2020
It is currently May 11th which is the anniversary of the worst day of my life. It’s been a year since people who promised not to leave, not to hurt me did the exact opposite and broke me in ways I can’t explain. Things happened that I would’ve never expected and honestly, throughout the year, I was struggling to get over the things that happened. I didn’t think I would get over it because the person I lost was someone I truly loved and a part of me still loves because they were the first person that made me feel that strongly. They weren’t anything more than a friend and losing them destroyed my heart, my trust, my faith in others, and just sent me down this depression hole. I didn‘t think I would move on but throughout the year, I slowly did. Now I’m stronger and I made some great memories with people who deserve me. That person hasn’t seen the best of me and once I get to that place in my life, they will feel it.
They weren’t loyal, they lied and just used me for their own benefit. Funny enough prior to writing (because I always wait to the last minute), I was watching a video called Bye Sisters on youtube from Tati Westbrook. A lot of people on my Instagram Story and Snapchat Story was talking about the drama and whether or not if James Charles is canceled, so I wanted to see for myself what happened. First I watched a drama channel video that explained the issue called "Here for the Tea", then Tati's video, and finally James Charles apology video.
Clearly this is not my drama so it's not mine to speak upon but I would like to say my reaction. Small Disclaimer: I was never subscribed to either of them prior to the drama, I had the James Charles palette but that's because I support to make up so I feel like I went in completely unbiased when looking at the videos. Tati's video had the most real statements and watching her video I could've felt the genuine emotion. My favorite line from the video was actually "Just because the person next you is in a full-body cast doesn't mean your broken arm doesn't hurt". People tend to have the measurements of pain and I said this in previous blogs that everyone has their own level of pain and no one should feel like their problems are meaningless especially if it's really causing them to be distressed. Throughout Tati's video, I just related to everything she said about being loyal to someone who made her feel unsupported and how James was acting in a way that was different than when she first met him. After watching Tati's video, I went to watch James Charles video and I was really disappointed with his apology. All he really said was that he was sorry but he also stated that he made a mistake but he'll keep making mistakes. Making mistakes is human but he should take what happened as a lesson to prevent him from making the same mistakes. He should've said that he made mistakes but he'll try to better because that's what you do when you really care about someone. He also didn't address the many layers as to why she felt done with him. If you are really sorry, make it aware that you know what you did and you'll try not to do it again. It just didn't feel genuinely like an apology and just by how long their videos, how they spoke in the videos etc. you can tell who really put the effort in the relationship.
I had the same type of issue with my ex-girl best friend and even though I moved on from her and the many issues that she caused me emotionally and mentally, it still hurts to think about at times. I was really impressed with how Tati handled the drama because she removed her self from the situation before it got more toxic. Like her, I have a forgiving heart which why it tends to be harder to move on from others.
Moving on is a major part of self-care and I feel like it isn't talked about enough. So sorry for the long intro and mini-rant but it just makes the blog more personal to even have a tiny bit of my opinion. So with all that being said, I hope you enjoy today's blog on moving on.
Steps of Moving on
1. Allow yourself to go through the emotions
It is okay to feel angry, to feel sad, or to feel however because you just need to feel. Don’t pretend things are okay when they aren’t and don’t allow yourself to become numb to the world around you because that isn’t alright. A person is entitled to their emotions so deprive yourself by being in denial about anything you’re feeling
2. Evaluate the relationship with the person
Sometimes you get blindsided in situations because of how you feel about the person/ people involved. Sometimes you let your emotions corrupt your better judgment so you need to ask yourself a few questions:
How healthy is the relationship?
Has this person ever lied to you?
Is their presence draining?
Do you feel like you don’t have the same effort in the relationship?
Do they constantly make excuses for their behavior?
Are you the one who constantly has to make effort?
Think about these questions in-depth and if that person isn't bad for well being and you miss them, move on to step 3. However, if they are toxic, it's best to go to step 4 and start the moving on process because some people just aren't good for you. Sometimes people hang on to others when they don't realize they deserve so much better than what someone is putting them through or they feel like no one will else will care for them and I just want to remind people there is a world of people you haven't met yet that will treat with so much love and kindness... one day you will get away and find those people. Just be patient.
3. Act Accordingly
This step goes for people who didn't have a toxic relationship and just missed them, try to reach out to them. Try to talk to them about the situation and see how they respond. If they want to talk, then great and I hope the conversation goes well. If they decide to ignore you and avoid you, just know the issue isn't with you and you did all you could to to fix the problems and if they don't want to and want that negative energy to linger, that's on them.
4. Realize the Reality
If things work out and you are given the opportunity to fix the relationship that is amazing. Be sure to get everything out of your system and don't tiptoe around the issues or things will just be completely the same as before. For the ones who weren't as lucky just know if someone doesn't appreciate you and they weren't giving you the support you need or didn't respect you or your emotions, those people aren't right for you. As much as it is depressing to hear, the reality is they didn't care about you the way you cared about them and it's really their loss. They lost someone who cared for them and you lost someone who didn't give you what you need. They had the bigger loss so hold your head up high and remember even if something is bad at that point, don't let the situation destroy you. Use it as inspiration to be the best version of yourself, to work for the life you want and deserve. I know it is rough because I've been through many traumatizing friendships and romances. Just keep it pushing and prove people wrong because when you are successful and they try to re-enter your life for their own benefit, tell them: they can keep the same energy they had before.
Things to help you move on
1. Do things that make you feel relaxed
Take some time for yourself to clear your head. I suggest having a spa day, reading a good book, watching shows/movies, drinking some tea, having a good meal, etc. Taking some time to relax is essential because entering a new chapter in your life is extremely overwhelming so just try to keep a cool head.
2. Being with people that makes you feel loved and supported
PSA: Do not shut people out. Usually, after situations, you really see who your real friends are. Even if you feel the loneliest you've ever been, there are people there for you, writing in the outside world. Even when you think you want to be alone, don't forget to sometimes push yourself to be around others. It will be worth it, in the long run, you'll 100% make memories you never want to forget.
3. Put your energy in something you're passionate about
Honestly, my emotions are one of the many reasons I started blogging again in the first place. Writing has been my serenity and helped me process things.Find your own thing that will give you fulfillment.
4. Work on yourself
Take this how you want. This can mean physically or mentally. Personally, when I was depressed, I started to work out more because I wanted to better myself. Basically do things to either expand your knowledge or become stronger.
5. Talking about it in a healthy sense
As much as you don't want to at times, once you are able to talk about the situation you are a step closer to moving on because it means you are coming to terms with what happened. So talk about someone trusted and wiser.
6. Meeting new people
Don't let the pain keep you away from interacting. Everyone is different and as scary as it is to allow yourself to go through that process again of caring about someone, you need to. You never who will be just what you need so just keep trying to move forward.
Well, that's all for today's blog. Since it is currently May 12th as I am writing an outro so I just want to wish everyone a happy mothers. Other countries had mothers day but since I'm from the US ours is later.
Also sorry this blog is so long but I hope you enjoyed. Share with your friends and family and if you want to stay updated please subscribe. Also don't forget to read previous blogs as well.
Until next time,
xoxo Lay 💋