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A Simplified Guide to Self Love

Self-love seems like a self-explanatory topic. In a world where we learn we need to put others before us, everything gets blurred. Self-love seems like a meaningless phrase embodied in what was trending on social media. However, the truth is self-love is the foundation of living a tranquil lifestyle. The question is how we do it?

People spend hundreds, maybe even thousands looking for ways to manage their lives and learn to love themselves. An example of this is self-help books.

One that particularly has my interest is You are a badass by Jen Sincero. I love this book because not only does it have a uniques sense of style with the story, but I love how it reminds you in nearly every chapter to love yourself. I have two critiques. Even though she says to love yourself a lot, she does not explain how to do it (which I can understand) and how she explains stepping into your greatness is very limiting. There is a chapter she talks about how she did things without being afraid of the danger or what will happen, and she just dived right in. However, not everyone has the luxury. Sometimes people have to be more cautious in the way they live and forced to grow up faster and forced to live a life in a guided path that she refers to as the big snooze. Even though the book for insightful in some ways, I felt like I needed a new book that felt more inclusive to my identity. Be unapologetically you by Adeline Bird gave a different approach to self-love that felt more direct to what I needed to read.

Self-love is a tricky topic for this reason. I wanted to make a guide on small steps you can do to love yourself a little more.

1. Have a clear perspective of how you identify.

Identity is an intriguing concept because there is no set reason for how you have to identify. Some people identify with nationality, others choose ethnicity, some may choose sexuality, others may choose gender (or prefer to say non-binary), etc. It’s a complex subject, but one thing you should recognize is no one can tell you how to identify because it’s up to your personality. Just make sure once you have clear perception, stay authentic to who you are.

2. Find affirmations that resonate with you.

Affirmations are the practice of positive thinking and self-empowerment. It is important to have a mindset that allows you to attract positive things into your life. You also need to have a grasp of reality and not pretend bad things don’t exist.

3. When you insult yourself, give yourself three compliments after.

This is a trick that I heard from a podcast. It can be challenging, but it deflects the negative self-talk that some of us are engraved to have because of the standards created by our circumstances. The more you put this into practice, the more you will get used to saying good things about yourself.

4. Learn to bring yourself to the present.

“If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present.” ― Lao Tzu

This quote best describes the importance of bringing yourself into the present. You cannot change the past, only grow from it. As for the future, there is no set destination where you will end up because there are always going to things that will be beyond your control. So choose to be present. This can be difficult for some because life is not the same, but it's doing the little thing that brings you some sense of positive emotion.

5. Check-in with yourself and be honest with where you are at emotionally.

Sometimes people pretend to be okay and somehow convince themselves that they are to avoid feeding into negativity. The truth is by ignoring how you feel will not fix those issues and promotes toxic positivity. It is okay to feel upset, it is okay to feel burned out, it is okay to be struggling with motivation because even if something isn’t the best feeling, you need to acknowledge it. The faster you acknowledge it, the faster you can feel those emotions and then think about the way you can get through it little by little.

6. Don’t be afraid to fail.

This may be a difficult task for someone who is a perfectionist, but just note that you don’t grow from staying in your comfort zone or staying in the place you are told you had to be. It can be terrifying to fail, it may cause you to feel negative emotions about yourself, but it is how you use that failure when it happens. Keep going for what you want to do shows so much more character, and you can at least be proud of yourself for trying. In every experience in life, you can get something out of it, if you try to.

For some people, Valentines' day can be really difficult and impact your mental health. That was me mainly throughout high school, and even when I celebrated sometimes with friends it still left a sad feeling because the person who should love me just did not because of all the outside opinions surrounding them...I’m talking about myself.

Self-love is not an easy journey, but a process. You will make mistakes, feel uncomfortable shifting away from who you thought you were versus who you are, and will still be constantly trying to find a balance between you, the world, your relationships, events in your life, your work, etc.

I came up with this idea for self-love valentines when I was planning out my blog's revision, but the irony is that I am having mixed emotions in terms of myself as I’m writing this. Last week, I found out that I got accepted into the Cosmetics and fragrance program at my college. This should be exciting news considering only 50 people get accepted and when I was first found out I was shocked and excited but after a few hours, I had a strong sense of feeling like I didn’t deserve it. I felt like that is it was an impulsive decision that I decided last minute. Knowing people came to the school for that reason left me feeling guilty because it was something I wanted last minute. I also have been feeling bad about not accomplishing my goals for January in terms of content creating.

You are probably wondering why I am saying these things that are not the most positive. It is a demonstration of how self-love is not a linear thing. Some days you will pat yourself on the back and be able to recognize how good you are doing, while other days you will be down on yourself for not being where you want to be. When those other days happen, you need to remind yourself that what is meant for you will be, and everything happens at a timing that it is meant to.

Happy Valentines Day! Thank you for taking the time to read. Don’t forget to like, comment, and share. Remember to subscribe to my Youtube channel, and follow my Instagram and Twitter to connect and stay up to date. I am excited about next week's blog post so make sure you come back next Saturday. Until then, there is a lot more content on my youtube channel. I hope you have a good day, evening or night.

Until next time,

xoxo Lay 💋

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