3/4 of 2019- September 2019
Updated: Jun 12, 2020
I just posted a blog and now I’m already writing this week’s. So I’ve done this many times to keep people updated on how I am going with my goals but also in a way to check in on myself. However I hope this inspires you to do your own check in. To start I’m going to list out new things for me that happened since the last life update.
My biggest changes
1.I started college
College so far has been fun. The only thing I find difficult is getting into a routine. I go 3 times a week and I still find myself struggling to find a balance with school and create a homework schedule. I have been finding patterns in which ones take me longer. To be fair certain things aren’t mandatory because it’s not like high school where a teacher checks if you did the notes, you decide how much time you want to take on it and how much effort you put it in. Honestly I feel like I want to put my all in this because it’s not free I’m investing all this money and time to go to college so I want to do everything I can to succeed. The only thing I find hard is going to events which I want to do to meet more people form new connections but it’s been pretty hard for me to do that. I’ll explain more of that in the mood part of this blog but in my opinion everyone is really friendly and it’s not like high school where they just exclude because you aren’t apart of their clique and they don’t have the unnecessary drama either.
I’m going to go off topic a bit to rant a little because it’s beyond me how terrible high school guys can be. They lie , they make up rumors , they break you but that’s okay in society’s eyes because that’s “just boys being boys”. As for girls we have keep quiet about everything well because according to society if we get hurt it’s “our fault” ... it’s how we dress, it’s how we talk, it’s how we move, it’s anything we do. Of course we don’t blame the males with intimacy issues so deep because their own family not being good example of love, that are so desperate to be relevant they have to spread lies in order to feel like a man. But I have news for you: lies don’t make a man but what else can you expect from boys who can’t even be honest with themselves and push their insecurities on the girls who are genuine enough to truly care. Don’t get me wrong, girls have the capability to do just as wrong and that’s usually the girl most guys fall for.
With that being said, the best thing about college is everyone is doing their own thing, no one is worried if you’re single, dating, crushing or about the latest gossip. In college, people people talk more about others achievements instead of their downfalls (At least where I go). Actually I was in marketing class and we were talking about the school and work environment so the professor asked us how would we describe the environment at our college so far and people responded: it was inclusive, social, different (in a positive way). I agreed 100% . Since we are on the topic of classes I think I figured out which classes I enjoy the most to the least so far.
I love this class the most because I like the content. We mostly talk about brands like Sephora, Starbucks, Nike, Lulu lemon etc. Also my professor is super sweet, she does stuff like 5 minutes meditation, let us review prior to the quiz, is dropping the lowest quiz grade and brought snacks for the class. We also had guest speakers from L’Oreal and an estee lauder branch. Also I participate a lot and I’m naturally a quiet person so that means I’m genuinely interested.
2) Fashion Business management
This class I like because I possibly want to start a business someday and I also have friends who would want to so I could help them. Since it’s more related to marketing and economics I feel like that’s another reason it’s my top 3 , since they are all similar in s sense it makes it easier to understand . The only thing I dislike is the fact my professor’s accent is so thick but other than that it’s a pretty good class.
It’s a fairly easy class considering I took economics in senior of college so I felt like this was a course easy to go into while I still remember. Also the professor gives us points for just showing up and will add it together to boost our final grade. I feel like he’s a fair person and kinda funny.
This is my earliest class. It’s an 8 am class on a Monday so if I’m not the most excited about this class there’s a reason why. On top of that it’s a double so I have it for 4 hours straight. However even though I’m kinda familiar with it I haven’t done stuff like mean median mode z-score in years. At my former high school, mostly everyone took calculus so it’s hard to get used to doing a whole other branch of math. The professor though is very good at helping students .
5) Digital layout
Honestly I thought this would’ve been my favorite class because how creative it is but the program we use frustrates me. The professor does supply lesson plans but I still find it confusing. On my first 2 assignments I got an A- which is okay but I’m lowkey a perfectionist especially with creative tasks. As for my professor he’s the mixture of quirky but also a bit strict
The reason why rated this last is because the work isn’t easily accessible. I have a mac laptop and prefer Mac technology in general so the fact we have to use pc and specifically dell’s pc is really annoying to me. On top of that the program we use in mind tap takes off points for the littlest things.
2.I got a nose piercing
This was something I wanted to do for awhile. I wanted a belly ring since middle school because I find them so pretty and I still want one but my mom was like she’d be beyond pissed if I got one in high school so as a compromise she suggested a nose piercing. It took me awhile to even figure out if I even wanted one. Once I did, it took months to find some place that uses needle instead of the gun. The reason that was important was because the gun can do more nerve damage to your nose even though needles are known to be more painful depending on your pain tolerance. So once we found a place that was clean, I eventually went towards the end of summer before September. It wasn’t that painful it felt like a pinch but that was it. The only thing that happened I got it there was a small bump in my nostril but piercing was infected and after 2 weeks it went down. Also it kept falling out because it was one without the screw but once I changed it , it was all good.
3.I got a cat
Honestly I haven’t completely decided a name but her name was Callie when she was at the shelter. She’s about 1 year old prior to me getting her according to what was on the paper. When she came home September 3rd and because she just got spaded because it’s policy for the adoption center , when I got her she was wearing a cone and still a lil looney from the surgery. She seemed a bit anxious and honest I had her a lil over one week and she’s still getting used to the place . She won’t even leave my room. I’m hoping with time she grows more comfortable but she’s still very sweet and always meowing for attention (or food).
A lot of big and exciting things are happening and of course in some ways I’m happy but right now I just feel the anxiety of it all. Lately my health hasn’t been in the best condition neither my mental health or physical health. Like in class sometimes it’s hard to focus because I go through these dizzy spells where I start seeing double and then black out a bit but then still hear the things around me. But then usually after something sweet like a cookie, my energy goes up again for a short period of time. I can’t tell what that is: if I have low blood sugar, if I didn’t get enough sleep or if I don’t eat enough etc. The weird thing is in high school I would get 2-3 hours sleep and eat one meal a day (which I’m aware was really bad) but make it through the day without huge issues like this. I’ve been doing a lot better in terms of sleep and eating so I don’t know what the issue is. On top of that my blood pressure keeps changing from high to low which caused by the anxiety I’m having. I’m anxious because I hate how I look right now and I’m having an identity crisis. Also everything keeps piling up and I feel like I’m under so much pressure but I don’t really have anyone to talk to about it because I don’t want to push my problems on anyone. Also I feel like people are too busy have their own things happening so I don’t really bother .
Goal and action plan
As a libra, one of the biggest thing essentials to me is balance and I feel like I’ve been anxious because my life has been feeling out of it. College, even though I do feel like I have more freedom and more of a chance of self expression, it feels like I’m running low on time and energy. So to fix it my overall goal is to try to find a balance with school so I have more to time to take care of my health: both physically and mental. I want to bring myself back to a time where I was comfortable in my own skin and I had energy and I was just completely motivated.
The first step with achieving this goal is finishing my work assigned all from last weekend, that way I can start finishing my work the day of in stead of the night before. If I’m correct this will allow me to create a set schedule which will hopefully make me a morning person instead of a night owl. Once I do this I can use my time more productively so I can probably find time to work out, read and work on something I wanted to do for years.
I won’t go into specifics about things because before I write about it like to test how much things had an impact and formulate advice and opinions with the help of my own experiences.
So that’s all for today and even though this blog was a lot for my own clarity, I hope this helps anyone who feels stuck in runt, feels lost and alone , feels like they are going to fail etc. I just wanted to let you know you aren’t alone and we all fall into dark places but it’s how you handle it that counts. If you notice someone with any of these issues or even someone in college who can relate, be sure to send them this post. Share with your friends and family even if they are impartial to feeling connected, I hope they can find entertainment out of it or truth they can feel connected to. Also don’t forget to subscribe so you never miss an update.
Until next time,
xoxo Lay 💋